


Falling to 'con

by Steena



Series: Falling to 'con verse [1]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: A Chapter a Day, Addiction to mecha, Angst, Armored human, Autobots being reprogrammed to pleasurebots, Biomechanic experiment, Constructicon experiments, Drabble, Dubious Consent, Energonabuse, F/M, Forced Prostitution, Halfbreed, Humans being exterminated, Leashes, Murder, Plug and play interfacing, Porn With Plot, Possibly the stickiest interfacing in history, Reader pregnant with decepticon, Rehabilitation, Robot/Human Relationships, Sexual Addiction, Slavery, Sorry Not Sorry, Spark break, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Threesome, Torture, Tragedy, Transformer Sparklings, Transformers Plug and Play Sexual Interfacing, War, dubcon, self destructive behavior, some drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-07-26 05:55:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 267
Words: 31,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7562941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steena/pseuds/Steena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were in love with Ironhide and you were there that fateful day he was offlined. You didn't cope well, and this drabble fic will give you glimpses into how badly a spark broken human will fall when your center of the universe is gone.</p><p>Please heed the warnings and tags! Heavy on angst and destructive behavior, and possibly the stickiest interfacing in fanfiction history. Might be triggery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Again, please read the warnings and tags and proceed on your own risk! I am just trying to evolve as a writer and don't want to hurt someone. 
> 
> Constructive reviews are greatly appreciated!

It moved in slow motion or, at least, so it seemed. Your voice sounded miles away when you ran through syrup, screaming at the top of your lungs as the love of your life crashed to the ground, already withering to rusty, cold, graying flakes.

"Ironhide, no!!"

You caught his flickering, dimming blue optics and even though you _knew_ that it was over, your heart refused to believe it. As those optics flickered a last time, turning black, a horrible pain ripped out your heart, as if somehow a piece of his spark had moved to reside in your chest and it was torn out as his extinguished. You kept pushing forward, crawling pathetically on all fours, the ripping of your very soul reverberating through your entire body, like the sound of a piece of fabric, slowly torn.


	2. Sparkbreak

You couldn't place the keening sound that filled your ears, distracting you. It sounded like a wounded animal, the devastation, pain and loneliness utterly heartbreaking. You didn't realize that _you_ were the one making the sound until the Autobots gathered around as the dust and smoke cleared. You curled tighter on top of His slowly cooling spark chamber.

"They were interfacing. I think it was serious."

You heard Sideswipe whisper it to Optimus, and your dams broke, the true devastation hitting you like a freight train. The keening turned into a wail as Optimus carefully picked you up. You curled even tighter in his massive hand, with your arms around your chest, trying to keep yourself from disintegrating, and rocked slowly.


	3. Waking up

You came back to reality slowly to find yourself on a berth in the medical bay. They told you that four days had passed since _He_ was torn from you. Apparently Ratchet had knocked you out with tranquilizers when you refused to calm down. You didn't even find it in you to dislike the idea of it, the drug induced numbness a relief from the pain _His_ death caused you.

Still hollow, you leaned back against the pillow, trying to control your breathing that seemed to wheeze out into the hole in your chest. You failed.


	4. Stumbling along

Waking up with Sideswipe was an eye-opener, the hard crash you experienced.

The weeks had passed and you had tried to discreetly drink your pain away to no avail. A plastered on smile seemed to fool everyone, though. They thought you were getting better.

A party with the Autobots triggered it. You had some energon and it was pure bliss. Ingesting it made you feel like when you were with _Him_.

Gritty memories flashed before your eyes of the night: drinking energon until you felt sane, falling into bed with Sides'. Your inebriation fooled you; Sides' metal body was almost like _His_ , and you overloaded again and again.

Didn't matter when you woke up, though. You just felt filthy. You promised yourself to never, _ever_ , use a friend. No matter your state. _Never_.


	5. Drinks and cop cars

Another night of drinking. It didn't help. It never did, that frayed hole in your chest remained. The memories were fuzzy and you could never tell me exactly how you ended up in a cop car.

In _that_ cop car.

Or how you ended up riding _Barricade's_ spike, conveniently transformed into a shift stick in his altmode. It reminded your broken heart all too much about some of the things you had done with _Him_ and your intoxicated mind almost fooled you it actually _was Him._

The decepticon car shivered and groaned as you reached your climax and the euforia the nanites and traces of energon from his transfluid caused made you unable to completely regret it.


	6. Cravings

Nothing gave you the same fix as those nanites and the energon. It wasn't _Him,_ but the almost high feeling afterwards made you feel sated almost the same way. It took a few days to get over the shame, but then the want returned.

In spite of you promising yourself that you wouldn't use your friends, you still found yourself flirting with Ratchet. He turned you down sternly, and it wasn't until then you realized what you were doing.

Cheeks burning with shame, you bowed your head and slunk out of the medbay, missing the concerned look Ratchet gave you.


	7. Found again

The hookers were whispering amongst themselves, glaring sideways, as they sized you up. A sleazy looking dude, probably a pimp, headed your way as you walked down the street, clearly out to drive you off and stop you from stealing his business. Or try to add you to his stable of whores.

You didn't really care which. Then that infamous cop car pulled up to you. The man heading your way made a show of really not heading for you and tried to not show how hurriedly he turned and bolted.

You looked back to the car, the door to the backseat popped open and with a deep breath to settle your nerves you got in.


	8. Following orders

Barricade took you to an abandoned warehouse, the only thing on the dirty concrete floor was old mattresses and pillows, piled to make a mech-sized kind-of-nest-bed.

"Get out." The Deception growled at you, popping open the door, and you warily crawled out.

Behind you, sounds of transformation told you what he was up to while you took in the surroundings. A cable grabbed your arm roughly and you yelped as another cable stung you. You didn't even have time to protest before the energon spread and you instantly felt wonderful.

"Clothes off." He growled, stepping by you toward the nest. "And then you get your aft over here."

With a lazy smile and a stumbling gait, you obeyed.


	9. A new low

Waking up on the floor, just inside the front door of your apartment, was a new low. Something oily, slightly sticky seemed to cover you from head to toe. 

Head churning from energon withdrawal and the emptiness in your chest back with a vengeance, you crawled into the bathroom, bracing yourself on the toilet to get up. Glimpses of last night flashed for your eyes. Going with Barricade, his nimble grapplercables all over your body.

The sight in the mirror was a shock. Transfluid. That was the sticky goo covering you. Your hair was plastered to your face and neck. 

A new glimpse flashed in your mind: you, wrapping your arms and legs around Barricade's spike, rubbing yourself against it as he overloaded, licking up as much fluid as you could as it poured over you. You bent over and emptied your stomach into the sink.


	10. Interruption

The self loathing and disgust kept you away for a little while. But with nothing to fill that void, it was just a matter of time before you found yourself walking down that street, towards Barricade, again.

This time, though, Bumblebee and the twins spotted you. The 'Con hightailed out of there and the yellow 'Bot picked you up, bringing you back to their base. His EM field projected concern, but all you could feel was massive embarrassment, thinking of exactly what you'd done with the pretend-cop, what would have happened if they hadn't intervened. They would all know what you had done. They would be disgusted. Not nearly as disgusted as you.


	11. Acceptance and hope

Scans and pokes and tests later and you had a diagnosis. Apparently there was nothing unusual in your chest.

"Energon and nanite addiction." Ratchet stated. The denial phase was over fast, because you were actually _relieved_  that it was 'just' an addiction. 

"Hello, I'm anonymous and I'm addicted. To _robots_."

Ratchet opted for trying with decreasing doses as therapy. Twice a day, someone would give you a shot. It felt good. The hole in your chest still gaped wide, sucking all light away, still remained but the rollercoaster of highs and lows would smooth out. Tentatively, you felt a small sliver of hope. Your friends _didn't_ look down on you and you were on a road to getting better.


	12. Planting seeds

Three weeks entirely clean! Three weeks since Optimus was the one to give you that last injection. Well, two weeks and four days, but hey, babysteps! You were trying so hard, struggling to stay clean and keep on the narrow road.

The hole in your your chest remained, not getting better at all, and you started suspecting that there really _had_ been some physical change to you, despite what Ratchet said. Ratchet never scanned you before, or while you still were with... were with _Him._ Your breath still hitched when you thought about  _Him._  

What if it wasn't 'just' an addiction? What if it had grown to a physical need? What if you could never be happy again? The seed of doubt was planted.


	13. Streetwalker

The seed had developed roots. Did It really matter that you were clean when you were unable to feel anything but despair, sorrow and utter desolation? You wandered aimlessly on the empty streets that night, telling yourself that you just needed to take a walk, clear your mind.

I'd say you were lying to yourself, you were looking for him, subconsciously if nothing else.

You knew who was coming around the corner behind you even before you turned to look. The EM-field projecting hunger, want and need was so familiar and it made your hair stand on end, your skin tingle. For once you didn't feel empty or lonely, you knew he _wanted_  you. A high-power engine revved behind you and a rare smile graced your lips as you whispered his name reverently.

"Barricade."


	14. Cold comfort

Stretched out on the medical berth, way too big for you, you listened idly to the growling baritones above you. Barricade had taken you here without an explanation, the medic seemingly expecting you.

Hook, that was his name, was busy placing some plating along your back, cold metal a comforting weight on you. The painkillers they'd given you made the drilling feel like an itch and the sound wasn't disquieting at all.

Barricade stood on the other side of the berth, speaking to the medic in a mix of English and Cybertronian. Obviously some of the things said was not for your ears. The energon you'd been given before made you unable to care. You just hummed tunelessly, utterly comfortable.


	15. Connected

A sharp pain in the base of your skull had you jerking back to reality with a cry. Hook just growled and held your head down, still working. It was as if he was picking at your very nerves.

The medic pulled a data cable from his wrist and plugged it into a port on your neck...

What?

 _How_?

A slithering feeling travelled along your spine, little rivulets of movement and sensation languidly coursing along your nerves, like a caress.

Your body came alive, every nerve registered touch. Your body arched and writhed and moaned without your permission as someone else's arousal flooded your system. A wicked laugh rumbled above you as a grippercable slid into your now slick heat and you instantly climaxed, clamping down on smooth metal.


	16. Embarrassment

They unceremoniously flipped you over on your back and now the effect of the drugs were dissipating, making you regain enough bearings to be embarrassed. You were still naked except for the plating on your back.

It wasn't like it was anything Barricade hadn't seen already, but Hook... _Hook_ , who was still plugged into your system.. _However that worked._

Hook, who had made you squirm around like a needy bitch in heat just _minutes_ ago. Violated you and made your body act as if you wanted him to do it. Had made you overload harder than anything before. Without foreplay. Without even asking. Did you even want to do such things with _Hook?_


	17. Hooked

Cables again. _Hook's_ cables. He was still _touching_ you. Still mounting more plating, really. But he was mounting them between your legs. And you were quite sure that at least some of the touches weren't necessarily needed for his work. His lascivious grin when that nimble cable caressed your folds solidified your suspicions.

You could feel him leeching your bodys reactions through your connection, using them for his own pleasure.

You didn't really want to, but your body betrayed you, increasing slickness between your thighs and his cable slipped inside you. You arched and moaned and pleaded 'no' and came again when he didn't stop.


	18. Armored

They let you stand up and Hook thankfully disconnected himself from you, just to plug another cable into your newly installed neck port.

You looked down at yourself and realized that you now had partial armor. Scale like plates stretched the length of your spine, cupped your breasts and hugged your hips. It revealed most of your flesh. Part of your mind registered that you looked kind of what you imagined a pleasurebot might look like. It was still intriguing.

You touched a plate and squealed when you could feel the touch along your nerves. The plating flared at your reaction.

Barricade smirked and pulled out a data cable from his chest, plugging it into a port in your armor.


	19. Easy?!

You could feel the connection to Barricade come to life, sending thrills through your armor straight into your nervous system. His arousal hit you like a freight train.

"A very easy little fleshie you've found us." Hook grinned to Barricade as he connected a cable to you again.

An indignant 'hey, nobot asked' passed your mind but it got drowned out when you could feel both their building charges through your connections and it ramped up your own arousal. The plating between your legs shifted and something vibrating slid into you. The three of you moaned simultaneously and then you were swept away with another orgasm.


	20. Swallow

The next thing you knew, you were pressed between the frames of the Decepticons. Their spikes were rubbing against you and you could feel the pre-transfluid covering you, seeping in between your plating.  


"Lick it." Hook growled.

Mentally, you recoiled in disgust. Physically, you were pinned and unable to move away. Hook must have felt your reaction through your connection, because he laughed.

Swallowing your pride, and lots of transfluid, you obeyed. Through the connection you could feel Hook's satisfaction with the power he exerted and his delight in your humiliation.

 

 


	21. Override

They overrode your control of the armor and flared your plating, giving themselves access to your body. Hook's gripper cables in your pussy wasn't anything new to you, but now you knew his sensors gave him the same feeling as fucking you would. You could feel it through your connection.

And then Barricade's cables slithered up the inside of your thigh, making you squirm as much as you could, still pressed between them. Until one of his cables pressed against your ass.

"No! Not there!" You panicked and tried to get away, but you were trapped. Through your connection, you felt Hook's amusement.

"Shut up." Barricade growled and pressed harder.


	22. Stockholm?

Body spent and sore, you laid on the floor of the medbay. The transfluid covering you dripping in oily rivulets, you were laying in a puddle of it.

Hook handed you a crumb of something. Well, crumb for him, block for you.

"Good girl. It's energon. Eat up." His patronizing words couldn't take away your excitement at your treat.

Standing in the cink under the hot tap water, due to their lack of human sized showers, you couldn't tell what was the worst; all the things they made you do that you didn't want to, or that they _still_ had given you more and better orgasms than you ever had in one night ever before. It made you halt your thoughts. _Maybe you had wanted it after all?_

 


	23. Love? Then marriage...

The Cybertronians, both factions, went back to their own world. I hoped that it would give you a clean break.

No more Autobots with misplaced caring that unintentionally kept you _wanting_. No more Decepticons to sneak around and enable your addiction.

Withdrawal was hell. You got committed for a while. 'Hazard to yourself'. And you could tell nobody _why_. You can't tell a psychiatrist that the problem is that you fell in love with a robot who died and part of you followed him to the well. Or, even worse, that you were a fragtoy for two sadistic robot bastards and liked it. _No way._

Then you met Bill. No Phil. Philip was his name. You had a hard time remembering it. Even when you walked down the isle, looking like a shell, everything inside wilted. I wondered if you would ever be happy with him.

As much as I had _hated_ what Barricade and Hook did to you, now I wasn't sure anymore. At least you still looked alive back then.


	24. New car, old wounds

Phil had bought a new car. Well, a used one, but new to your driveway and you... You just _stood_ there, staring. Unable to turn away.

That polished pick up, painted black, gleaming in the sun entranced you. Huge tires, made for slagging dirt roads without a care in the world. A truck bed to lay on and watch the stars, bantering like the best of friends. For the first time since you were a kid, you prayed.

But the car just sat there. Insentient.

You turned and ran off, Phil staring after you. Phil would never understand, because you would never tell him. How could you? 'My ex was a car. (Well, a few of them actually. Or, more like fragbuddies.) I really,  _really_  liked riding his (their) shift stick(s).' _No way._

You got really shitfaced that night and cried yourself to sleep on my couch, rambling about how you used to wash and polish _Him_ for hours and _He_ would moan and shivver. Because, in the end, the only one that _really_ mattered was Ironhide.


	25. Finders, keepers

Cleaning out the garage was what made you find it. The armor Hook and Barricade had made for you. You stared at it for a long time, frozen.

Phil was out, so you dared to bring it inside to the bathroom and cleaned and polished it. Setting it on the floor in the shower, you pressed your back against the wall and slid down to sit there and keep staring. It was oddly comforting to see it again. To know it wasn't a dream, that you weren't crazy.

Would it still be compatible with you? Or did it need Cybertronians in the vicinity to work?

Hesitantly, you stripped.

Pressing and poking with shivering fingers on the back of your neck, you found the hard, flat ridge of your data port. Your skin had grown over it, thinly veiling it, and you hadn't cared.

But now the tissue had to go. You hissed and growled as you cut and scraped with a carpet knife, using two mirrors to see anything at all. _Why couldn't Hook have placed this a little more easily accessible?!_

Dabbing the wound with paper, you stared at it in the mirror with a foreboding feeling. You couldn't tell if it was good or bad.


	26. Plugging in

Getting the thing onto your back was tricky. The alien alloy made it lighter than if it had been made on earth, but it was still pretty heavy and the segmented form made it harder still.

You ended up laying on your stomach on the floor, awkwardly dragging and wriggling it on top of you. It reminded you of the first time you wore it and realized that even _Hook_ had been better at getting you off than your husband.

Drawing shaky breaths, you steeled yourself. The last time you did this, all the connective hinges still poked through your skin. And you had some help from a certain mustang.

A last deep breath, and then you plugged in the cable. It instantly came to life, that built-in vibrating fake spike slipping inside you as an answer to your instant arousal at being kind of close to _them_ again. Pure bliss.


	27. Protrusions

It became a guilty pleasure to wear your armor, to overload while you fantasized about at least one mech. Phil could never know about the armor, because that would raise other questions and you were still embarrassed about what you had _done_.

What made it really hard to cover up was the hinges now poking through your skin. As soon as you had plugged the cable into your port, the armor had come to life, gouging into your flesh and reattaching itself. Now, the regular use let the skin heal around the hinges, leaving them protruding along your spine and on your hips.

It was a good thing you rarely slept with Phil. And when you did, the lights were out and you were always on your back. He thought you were a prude. You privately snorted. _Nope_ , _you were a perv._ A xenophiliac perv.


	28. Return

He showed up on the TV first. _Megatron_. They were back! Apparently they were here to stay for good. A peace had been negotiated and even the President greeted the new immigrants, 'Bots and 'Cons alike.

You didn't know if you should be ecstatic or horrified. Should you go see them? A dark part of you wanted to but that might ruin everything. You had worked so hard these years to keep your outwardly "normal" life.

Just because they were given refuge didn't mean the general public didn't look down their noses on the aliens. And you were terrified for how you might react to being around them. The fantasies woken by using your armor whispered tempting lies in the back of your mind but you pushed them away. You were not going down _that_ road again.

Beside you, watching the same broadcast, Phil scoffed. Your xenophobic husband was _not_ ecstatic about them staying, that was for sure. _If only he knew..._


	29. Interlude

I think it was inconsiderate of the Autobots not to contact you when they returned. I mean, would it hurt to say "hello"? They had been your extended family for fucks sake. Maybe they were just busy with all the hullabaloo around their return. It still didn't make it right.

I watched you hope, fret and I saw your disappointment every day that passed without them getting in touch. You were adamant to not go back to being a toy to the 'Cons though, and I cheered you on.

I remember wondering how your marriage fared, with your husband being a narrow-minded prick and all, but I didn't ask and you didn't tell.

 

 


	30. Two steps back

The decision was made for you, at least you told yourself so. Phil and you had fought, about mechs actually. He hated them and took every chance to say so. Normally, you just let him, but this time... _this_ time!

Mid-rant, you interrupted him and stated that they were people too. Sort of. They had feelings and urges and needs, at least. The resulting screaming was the pivot point, the last nudge you needed.

You took the bus back to that seedy neighborhood, armor pressed tightly against your body under the coat you wore.

He came ripping around the corner as if he had been waiting for you to come around, lights flashing and you felt a surge of anticipation unlike _anything_ you had felt for years.


	31. New acquaintance

He towered over you, mask unreadable. You met his optics, unafraid, and flared your plating enticingly.

"That's Blackout." Barricade purred behind you.

"Hello. _Blackout_." You whispered his designation, tasting it.

"He wants you too." Barricade growled as he plugged in his data cables. "Do you want him?"

"Yesss." You hissed, arching back against the gripper cables Barricade was working you over with.

Flaring your plating more, offering full access, and spreading your legs, you crooked a finger in a come-hither motion to the large helo. The sound of loosening panel locks and retracting panels reached your ears as the big 'Con found one of your couplings and connected.


	32. Spark

Barricade's chest plate was the place you regained consciousness. A quick look around revealed that the mechs had fallen into recharge. They were both still hooked up to you and you could feel their inactive presences through it.

Letting your head fall back on the smooth plating, you nodded off only to be woken by Barricade lifting you, his plates opening. The panic that was starting to take hold was soon pushed back when the glow of his spark washed over you. Heat and pleasure rocked through you and you felt Blackout online, heard him cry out a groan laced with static.

Barricade held you steady above his spark chamber and through the connections you could _feel_ Blackout's digits slip into Barricade's valve. Instant overload.

 


	33. Suspicious minds

Phil was suspicious. Of course he was. You ran away and didn't come home until next morning, on wobbly legs. You waved your hand noncommittally, said you'd crashed at my place, a half-truth because you shed your plating there, and hit the hay.

_Barricade._ Kinky fragger. _Blackout._ Your new acquaintance. Hot. _Huge_. Fleetingly, you wondered if Hook was back too. You snorted sleepily. _Greedy_ _mechwhore_ _._ Sleep claimed you quickly, being satisfied for the first time in years.

You were out like a light and missed the way you _husband_ stood in the doorway, staring at you with an unreadable expression.

 


	34. Getting a tail

Phil started following you the third time you slipped away. You were careful not to stay away all night after that first time. I guess it was the uncertainty of what would happen to your life if he found out what was going on that made you sneak around because the two of you just... Didn't fit, not really.

There were no doubts that he would out you, his hatred for Cybertronians and anyone associating with them ran that deep. And you would be known far and wide for being the Decepticon-slut.

You knew he followed you, but still you couldn't keep away. Even though you were good at shaking him off and coming up with evasive excuses, eventually he saw you climb into _that_ cop car.


	35. Spotted

It went full circle when you slid down on that shift stick in Barricade's altmode again. Nostalgia, and a temporary lack of a good place for interfacing, made you both do it.  


This time, his gripper cables grabbed, caressed and prodded your body and you weren't drunk. It was fantastic. Your fingers dug into his dashboard and his grippers grabbed your hips, lifting and dropping you back as he shivered and revved.

Little did you know that your husband watched from his car just around the corner. Barricade probably knew. _Of course he knew._ With all his sensors, he had to.

 

 


	36. Busted

Phil confronted you when you got home, screaming and throwing stuff. The first thought passing your mind was wishing _anyone_ of the 'Cons were there to back you up because he scared you.  


He had _seen_ you fucking a cop. That's what he said, and instantly you knew that he hadn't seen _exactly_ what you did. Relief flooded you despite the situation.

You begged and groveled and somehow Phil actually forgave you.

That night you slept with him. Fantasizing about Barricade and Blackout, planning how to keep going without being caught. Faking your orgasm.


	37. Confession

Motormaster was a wild ride. You got home too late, too bruised, high on energon and definitely too sticky to explain it.  


You actually seemed relieved to have been called out. Maybe you were growing weary of the charades, because you really threw it in Phil's face. The infidelity, the xenophilia, the gangfrags, _the stickiness..._

He stood there, gaping. Refusing to believe it. You turned on your heel, and left with a slam of the door.

I guess it was just a matter of minutes before the Saleen picked you up, filling your mind with whispers of numbers of mechs that _wanted_ you.

 

 


	38. Evidence

Phil followed you again. From the second you left the house. Probably wanted to talk, to try to get you to say it was just a bad joke, sarcasm.

He saw Barricade pick you up. Followed you to that run down industrial area. Watched you get out of the mustang and strip. Still messy from your round with Motormaster.

Barricade didn't transform but his grippers shot out, bending you over his own hood.

And that's how you were caught on camera being fucked on the hood, licking one gripper, one in your pussy and a data cable jammed into your neck. Moaning in time with a car _._

Of course Barricade knew Phil was there. He probably enjoyed it even more because of it. Barricade liked lewd.

 


	39. Outed

So, that little movie made it to all your "friends", courtesy of your husband. As did part two, when the cop car was done with you and the Sikorsky landed, taking over. Blackout transformed, eradicating all doubt of exactly what was going on.

You rubbed yourself against his spike and his grippers were _everywhere_. It was like some twisted si-fi porno and Phil showed it to everyone.

Phil was spiteful like that. He turned you into a pariah, you even lost your job. I honestly don't know if you were really that upset because now you didn't have to pretend anymore. Everybody knew what you were doing anyway.


	40. Damaged

Motormaster might have been a rough ride, but nothing even close to Wildrider. That time you spent _days_ in Hook's medbay. Hook leered and prodded you more than necessary but you lacked the energy to complain. To his credit, overloading took your mind off of things.  


What was "endearing" though, was Wildrider being dragged in worse for the wear. He looked like he'd been run over by a truck! And a helicopter. And a tank.

Apparently, a mech could not slag the favorite fleshling of a good part of the 'Con-crew without paying dearly.

Scrapper and Scavenger turned out to be sweethearts, bringing you treats, comics and movies. _Who'd have thought_?

 


	41. Down on the corner

You were back on that stupid corner again, wearing your plating. It turned out to be a blessing. The pimps stayed away from you, you weren't stealing their business anyway. And they didn't dare try to get you into their stable, considering who your customers were.

A beat up pick up slowed down and honked, window rolling down. You flared your plating and caught a stunned face. The horn of a semi blared and the driver turned to yell at the trucker but paled and pulled away.

You _sensed_ that it was a 'Con from the EM field. The truck looked wicked, dangerous. Pointy gunmetal and black with just a few purple decorations and it exuded violence. _Had motormaster scanned a new truck?_ It didn't feel quite like him.  _But who?_ The door popped and you climbed in.


	42. Keep on trucking

Inside that cab, heavy warengine rumbling a powerful tune, you sank into the bucket seat with a happy sigh. A deep laughter vibrated the entire cab and you hissed in anticipation.  


"Do you know who I am?" The voice was unmistakable, dark amusement coloring it.

"Yesss." You hissed, arousal evident from the slickness dripping onto the seat.

The thoughtful hum in answer vibrated the entire cab and you arched your back, stifling a moan.

"So _ready_." The voice growled, thick with arousal. "Where do you want me?"

"Anywhere!"

 

 


	43. Anticipation

You climbed out and watched him transform. It was a sight to behold. For a mech his size, he transformed in a smooth, fluid movement belying his strength. You licked your lips in anticipation.  


"I thought you didn't like fleshbags?" You asked in amused curiosity, unafraid.

He laughed that deep rumble that sent shivers down your spine straight to your groin.

"Call it curiosity. When the others beat each other up over you and talk so widely about you, I just _have_ to see for myself."

 


	44. Audience

The large mech looked at you as you kneeled on his berth and you flared your plating in that way you did to drive Cybertronians wild. A self satisfied smirk stretched your lips when you heard his intakes hitch.

You slipped two fingers inside yourself, arching back and moaning, aroused as much by your audience as from your touches.

The mech licked his sharp dental with a glossa you found yourself wishing you could experience in some way.


	45. Coaxing and begging

At first he seemed hesitant to join you, maybe uncertain of exactly how to proceed.

You coaxed him closer with luring words and a hand waving a come hither motion.

You pointed to a port in your armor and arched to give him better access.

His servo hesitated and hovered inches from your port, his coupling held between clawed digits.

"Beg me for it." He ordered in a velvet smooth rumble that made you even wetter.

"Please, _mighty_ Lord Megatron, _please_!" You whispered in a sultry voice.


	46. Taking the lead

The second your connection opened, you keened in pure pleasure. The charge you'd been building on pure expectation as Megatron watched you was sucked from you just to be returned by him immediately, amplified as he felt your arousal and matched it.

He still seemed uncertain what to do with you, so you took the lead. He fell onto his back on the berth and you climbed across him, connecting more wires as you went.

A firm tug on his modesty plating and he opened it with a quirked optic ridge. You smiled slyly and slid a hand into the sheath of his spike.


	47. First time

Megatron's spike pressurized instantly from your firm touch and the arousal you kept pushing at him through your connection.

You licked and pawed at the ridiculously huge spike, spreading the pre-transfluid over it and over yourself, moaning as you went.

With practiced ease, you wrapped yourself around his spike, and started rubbing yourself against it. The warlord moaned and jerked like a boy in highschool being jerked off for the first time and you felt more powerful than ever before.


	48. Sinking deeper

After that you almost became a permanent in the Decepticon base. The few who still hadn't been interested turned quickly when even Lord Megatron took you to berth.

You kept your apartment but I saw you losing touch with humanity, slipping deeper into your twisted world, spending more time with the 'cons.

You once said that it was love, but I highly doubt that. Ironhide loved you and you loved him. This was... self deceit. I tried to remind you what you and Ironhide had, but as soon as I spoke his name, you shut down again, then you disappeared for another week.


	49. Coming back

You came back, scratched, cut up, hungry, sticky and exhausted, a lingering high from energon keeping you smiling.

I helped you shower, cooked some food and let you crash on my couch. You smiled in your sleep and whispered "Ironhide". It broke my heart that you still could only say it in your sleep.

It hurt as much to realize that there was nothing I could do to help you, as long as what you were doing was what you wanted to do.

Your phone rang and the caller ID said "'Cade", a picture of a cop car as the avatar. I hung up, put it on silent and erased the call history.


	50. Second thoughts

You heard them whispering between themselves about a plan to kill the Autobots and finally taking over earth. The 'cons didn't notice you listening in, writing you off as loyal to them.  


You may have been far gone into what you were doing, but that made you pause. For you it probably wouldn't change anything, you already had a place among the 'cons, but still...

_More Autobot death._ Something about it just didn't sit right with you.

They had been your friends. And _His_ friends.

 

 


	51. Hooking

The green and black sports car showed up at your corner, cruising by slowly, and you recognized a Cybertronian as easily as you would spot a human in a zoo, even though this was an unfamiliar mech.   


He stopped in front of you and you sauntered over with that practiced waggle of your plating to show off your data ports. You heard the engine rev and smirked. _He was taking the bait!_

Fingers dragged enticingly over smooth paint and the car shivered. The passenger door opened. Your smirk turned predatory. _Got him!_

 

 


	52. Services

The car shot through the city at breakneck speed, taking you out into the desert.

"So, what's your designation, handsome?" You asked, breaking the tense silence. Somehow you could tell he was nervous.

"I'm Crosshairs."

"What can I do for you?" You purred.

"Don't know. What do you do?"

You shrugged. _What didn't you do?_

"Root mode, alt mode, plug and play, sticky...."

"How does sticky even work?" He sounded incredulous.

You grinned. _Xeno-virgin!_

"Don't worry 'bout that, babe. I'll show you a good time. Root mode or alt?"


	53. Doing your work

He opted for root mode. You rubbed your hands, watching the transformation to a seriously _gorgeous_ mech with a cool coat.

"On your back."

You ordered, unable to stop grinning. He was just too good to be true. _And he was yours for the night!_ How had you not encountered him before?

He did as you told him, even though his field teeked some hesitation, and you climbed his frame, dipping slim arms into seams in his armor as you went. He trembled and groaned and you expertly found the manual latch on his interface panel.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, dear readers, now I am curious: would you like this installation to have a happy or a tragic ending? I felt it was time for a survey.
> 
> Thank you all for reading!


	54. Infection

"Can I plug in?" Crosshairs groaned and held out a questioning cable, charge building quickly under your ministrations.

" _Please_!" You whimpered, flaring a plate to show him a port.

Rubbing against his perfectly ridged spike was wonderful but you weren't quite there yet. A hardline connection would make it simply divine.

You took the cable and plugged it in, pushing all your arousal at him. He bucked his hips and pushed back to you over the connection.

You felt it instantly, the line of bad codes he sent you, spreading through your armor, screwing with your nervous system and you started shaking, head swimming.

The last thing you knew was his overload and your own arousal vanishing, the world tilting on it's axis. Your body went limp. Then everything went black.

 

 


	55. Another medbay

Painfully bright lights. You groaned, squinting. A medbay that wasn't Hook's.

You jerked upright, just to sorely regret it when it made your head feel like it would explode, nausea made you heave and vertigo had you toppling over on your side.

Crawling over to the edge of the huge berth, you barely made it before you threw up what little was in your system.

 

 


	56. Hangover

Heavy pedesteps made you lift your head, still hanging over the edge of the berth in your semi-consciousness.

 _Ratchet?!_ Your mussy brain struggled to comprehend.

"What..." It was all you managed to say before the movement made you throw up again.

"I guess you won't be eating soon." Ratchet grumbled in a painfully familiar way.

You let your head fall down, hanging off the berth again, trying to remember what had happened. Just thinking hurt your head.

_Maybe you were hallucinating?_


	57. Keep dripping

The next time you woke up, you felt better. No nausea, no headache and a slight buzz that you recognized as an energon rush. Not enough to make you high but adequate to keep you sane.

_Guess it wasn't Ratchet then._

Looking yourself over, you found a drip that mainlined what looked like very diluted energon and your plating was missing. A cable was plugged into your neck port.

Memories surfaced with your returning clarity. _That hot mech,_ Crosshairs, _screwing you, giving you some virus or something like that and then bailing out on your payment._ You gritted your teeth. _Bastard!_

Briefly you pondered unplugging and trying to climb down to explore where you were, but you still felt weak and then the drip would have to go. That just wouldn't do.

 

 


	58. Sulk

It _was_ Ratchet. He came back later, when you were still lounging on the berth, content from the energon steadily dripping into your system.

"How are you doing?" He grunted.

"'m fine, considering... whatever happened." You groused. The Autobots weren't exactly the mechs you wanted to see most.

"You were sedated." Ratchet said.

"Why?"

"Prime will speak with you later. Just rest now." He said it with finality, busying himself with something on a workbench.

You crossed your arms in defiance, sulking.

 

 


	59. Visitors

The next visitors to enter was Prime, Bumblebee and _Crosshairs_. You noticed the Autobot brand, a brand that hadn't been there when you saw him last time. Your eyes narrowed.

"You afthole! You owe me a tonne of energon for this!" You snarled.

"I don't remember negotiating a price. I thought you did it because you liked me." He snarked, the glint in his optics clearly showing that didn't think that at all and couldn't care less.

"I _know_ that you overloaded and I didn't." You pouted.

Optimus invented sharply, scandalized. If it was from your lack of satisfaction, from Crosshairs actually interfacing with you or the fact that you were selling yourself, you couldn't tell.

"Ugh, don't remember me about the cleanup." Ratchet gagged.

"You owe me one." You ground out through gritted teeth to the green mech, ignoring the others.

He raised an optic ridge, a lascivious grin stretching his lipplates.

"Deal."

 

 


	60. Questions, sadness and doubt

The questioning was endless. You were honest, because as much as you hadn't forgiven the 'bots, you still didn't want to see them dead. And you didn't really know that much, you were their _lover_ , not a commander for frags sake. Or something.

Ratchet grumbled about energon addiction and risk of viruses, Prime disapproved of everything you had done. Of course he did. He was a good person and you were not.

Sideswipe and Bumblebee came in later, honestly sad to see your condition and that actually stung your conscience. They apologized for leaving you, for not being able to help. Sideswipe ran a careful finger down your back, lacking all sexual innuendo, and promised to be there for you.

When they left, you cried yourself to sleep, hating yourself for hurting them - _your friends_ , by being the shitty person you were certain you were.

 

 


	61. Sneaking in

The door opened again and you looked up wearily, eyes still red and sore from your crying.

"You!" You hissed at the green mech sneaking in, sadness giving way to anger.

He just smirked at your venomous voice, all cocky confidence and what-the-fuck-ever attitude and you wanted to strangle him.

"I thought we had a deal?" He purred, rubbing his interface plate. His optics roamed your bedraggled form, his smirk turning all out lascivious.

Your breathing hitched, anger turning  
into confused arousal. _Was he serious?!_

 

 


	62. A good face

He was good. Really good. Now that he wasn't poisoning you. He was good enough to make you forgive him for that.

You didn't have your armor this time but you let him plug directly into your neck port and it was even better, his charge mainlined straight into your nerves.

It was refreshing to interface without being high as a kite for once. Almost like when you were with _Him_... You shut that train of thought quickly, not wanting to remember, to compare.

With careful fingers, he unhurriedly dragged your body along his spike, the ridges hitting your clit in an _oh so delicious_ wayand you wailed out your first orgasm long before he finished.

 

 


	63. Quitting again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my pretties! Thank you for sticking with this little self-indulgent story of mine. If you're going for the tragic ending: without further ado, onward we go.
> 
> If you are a sucker for a good old-fashioned HEA, I recommend you to move over to the second part of this series: Rising to 'bot.

Ratchet made you quit the energon cold turkey. Prime tried to coax you to double agent for the Autobots.

It was hard to think about alien politics, and even harder to care about alien politics, when you were shaking and sweating and puking all over the place, abstinence really kicking in.

Everybot seemed concerned for you, but you couldn't spare the energy to care. A fleeting suspicion that they really just needed you to clean up to be able to spy, or maybe to satisfy their self-righteousness, lingered in your mind.

 

 


	64. Going home

When they released you, cleaned up and sober for _two whole days,_ you went home to your cluttered apartment. Sitting on your hardly used bed, you felt disoriented and lost.

They wanted you to spy on the 'Cons. Would you really be able to do it? You didn't want the world destroyed and you didn't want to die. But you knew for a fact that de second you were back in Barricade's lap, you'd be back on the energon and your resolve might falter.

Could you spy even under the influence? You couldn't show the 'Cons that you had quit. And would you even be able to do it without the comfortable numbing of energon? You _had_ 'faced Crosshairs without being all out high, just buzzed, but maybe that was different?

You still decided to try. You owed everyone that.


	65. First debrief

 It wasn't that hard to get to hear snippets of the plans the 'Cons made, they trusted you a lot by now and public interfacing wasn't that unusual.

Prime frowned at you when you met, you tottered into the abandoned warehouse on unsteady legs, obviously under the influence.

"They sure are planning something, but it's hard for me to catch something important. Still just a whore, y' know? But it won't go down anytime soon, I'm sure. I'll keep my ears open, though."

"Are you back on the energon?" He sounded disappointed.

You just glared. _How were you supposed to cope otherwise?_ Shouldn't he be supportive?

 

 


	66. Masochist

"We'll take over this mudball. All the humans will be gone. The Autobots will be our slaves." Vortex giggled.

Onslaught glared at him from his desk. Vortex just never knew when to keep things secret.

"Mhm." You hummed softly, crawling on top of the rotary stretched out on his front on the huge berth. "What about me then?" You grabbed his rotors and bent them as hard as you could, earning a moan. He sure was a masochist. Kind of like you, you mused.

"You could be our pet." He breathed heavily. "Imagine it: all the energon you could ask for, all the bastards that shunned you dead... We could torture them for you first!"

Yes, Vortex was indeed a talker.

 

 


	67. Autobot customer

The next 'Bot you met up with was Crosshairs, and you were  _pretty_ certain it wasn't a sanctioned mission he was on.

Mostly because he picked you up on your corner, unannounced. And took you out of town. He was curious about more types of xeno-facing. You were all too happy to oblige.

Even if he hadn't offered you energon, he was still hot enough to get under your plating, at least once.

It was afterwards, sipping the human sized cube he paid you with, you realized that he really wasn't any better than the 'Cons. Buying interfacing wasn't exactly valiant.

So far, the 'Cons seemed to look out for you more than anyone else. At least they beat each other up for your protection. _Wasn't that sweet?_


	68. Confrontation

"I hear things. Rumours. About your plans." You hedged. It was a dangerous question.

"Is that so?" Megatron rumbled, an optic ridge raised.

"Mhm. I would like to know how I fit in."

He barked a surprised laugh, staring at you. You must be a sight to behold, a tiny fleshie, demanding answers, still naked and covered in gallons of his transfluid.

"How would you like to fit?"

"I want to live."

He looked at you, thoughtful, and your heart skipped a few beats. He was incredibly hot when he looked like that.

 

 


	69. Suckerpunch

The 'Bots were hassling you for intel again. You were getting good at giving them... nothing really useful, but enough to make them trust you. _Megatron would be proud of your deceitful nature._  


Ratchet and Prime stared at you with the ever present disapproval.

"Can't you at least be sober when we're debriefing you? Ratchet sneered.

"I am a spy, working under cover of being a _whore_ for the Decepticons. How would _you_ deal with that?!" You snarled.

"Ironhide would be so disappointed." Ratchet just had to say  _that._

You staggered. It was a punch in the gut, a stab in your heart. Was that Ratchet's version of caring? It couldn't be.

 

 


	70. Intimacy

Back in Barricade's...well, not his arms. Across his chest plates, his servo resting across you. It was a rare moment of intimacy that didn't involve fragging. Sometimes it did happen, ever since that first time he held you to his spark. He was the only one except _Him_ who'd done that. _Maybe that meant Barricade loved you?_ In some twisted Decepticon way.

"The 'Bots have tried to get me to spy on you." Your mouth blurted even before your mind decided it was a good idea to tell.

You felt him shift under you, his four optics onlining to fix on you.

"Really?!" He growled.

_It didn't make you nearly as afraid as it should._

 


	71. Promotion

The way you got promoted was staggering. In one day, you went from the faction whore to sitting in a command meeting and it was making your head spin.

What really made you preen was the praise. Megatron praised  _you_. Praise from _Megatron_ was something very coveted, very unusual, among the 'Cons.

Well, when he put it like that...of course you would help them. What did you have to lose? Being scorned by humans and Autobots alike? You were already an outcast. Except among the Decepticons. They never looked down on you or told you that you were anything less than spectacular. Who could resist that?

 


	72. Shareware

Onslaught stared at you and Vortex, but this time he didn't look annoyed with the 'copters lack of control over what left his vocalizer.

The gestalt leaders visor was just a little too bright and he looked...captivated. You listened carefully, still working on the talkative helicopters sensitive rotors, grinning when you heard the telltale sound of heavy fans working on full blast.

"You know, I've never said no to being shared." You smirked at him with a suggestive quirk of a brow and beckoned the anti aircraft vehicle with a finger.

You had never seen such a large bot move so quickly before.


	73. New installation

Debrief again. More biting comments from some of the 'Bots. But this time it just filled you with cold determination and you suppressed a nasty smirk. Yes, you were doing the right thing.

You glanced at Crosshairs repeatedly. He stood behind the other 'Bots, making lewd suggestions with his hands and facial expressions. A raised eyebrow sealed the deal, you would face him later.

You never turned down a good 'face and sleeping with the enemy was thrilling. Besides, you had the Decepticon army just a newly installed commlink away, _thank you, Hook_. It would be safe.


	74. Dishonor

"I have no indications that the Decepticons plan on breaking the truce. From what I've gathered, they are about to build a solar powered energon converter. The worst thing so far is that the humans have failed to appoint a place for it and so they will be forced to build it on land lawfully not theirs."

The lies flowed like sweet poison from your lips. You'd show them exactly who it was they were so blatantly using.

A flicker of guilt chilled your heart. How different it would have been if He was still online. The guilt bled into sorrow but the sorrow was swiftly replaced by red-hot anger. They were using you and by that they dishonored Him, the memory of him. The memories that you still couldn't cherish because you still kept running from facing them and move on for real.

The lack of self criticism on your part was staggering. You failed to see that you were dishonoring the memory of Him by acting the way you did.


	75. Jealousy

Crosshairs dropped you off and you wondered if the other 'Bots were really aware of what the two of you did before he left you on your corner of all places. _Probably not._

It was a matter of seconds before Barricade stopped right by you, engine purring smoothly.

"Let's get you cleaned up. You're filthy." He complained, disgust in his voice.

"You have never objected before." You stated flatly. You _had_ wiped away the worst stickiness and he hadn't ever had a problem before. Hell, he'd even grabbed you straight from Blackout's depressurizing spike a couple of times.

"No, but it was never _Autobot_ fluids before." If a car could gag, he probably would.

"I'll clean you up and then I'll fill you up. You're mine. Ours.  _Mine first_." He growled the last statement.

_Jealousy?!_


	76. Bonding

True to his word, Barricade did clean you up. Thoroughly. And he did fill you up, equally thoroughly.

As you were getting close to overloading, he lifted you from his spike. You squeaked in protest, but you stopped protesting when he lifted you to his opening chest plates.

The heat and the energy from his glowing spark tingled on your skin, almost like static and you writhed in pleasure.

Barricade was a 'Con. What you could get from this beyond intimate connection wasn't love. But the possessive aggression coupled with his attraction to you was as close as you thought you would ever get, and you really would take anything anybot would offer. You accepted it without qualms, returning want, need and attraction to the psychotic Saleen.


	77. Confirming deals

After that second time touching his spark, you were even closer to the interceptor. That didn't stop you from engaging in various activities with the other 'Cons. He _had_ shared you before and you had no qualms about jumping on the first spike offered. After all, it was kind of the thing that put you here from the beginning; the never ending line of eager mechs to frag you to oblivion and supply the energon you craved.

"Vortex?" You asked as you stretched to reach to plug into a port on his rotorhub.

"Hm?" The 'copter was already dazed with charge, just from you trying to get to the awkwardly placed port. Vortex was very easy like that.

"You said you'd torture someone for me..." You trailed off while tweaking a cable.

"Yeah! Any...hnn...time!" His vocalizer glitched with feedback as you worked his rotors.

"I just might take you up on that."


	78. Fantasy

It was truly glorious, the pure malice and spite you put into the planning, fantasizing about how you should pick him up to deal out petty vengeance. You were on your back in your own bed for once, in your new quarters in the Decepticon base, sipping the energon now readily available.

Barricade could do it, pulling him over in his altmode. Those lights flashing... Oh, he was _gorgeous_. Your _bondmate_. You still couldn't quite believe it.

Or maybe Blackout and Vortex could descend like vengeful angels of rage and hate, rotors spinning...

You heard yourself panting. It would be a thing of beauty. Rotaries were so _hot_. And they gave at least as good as they got.

Getting up, you padded out into the hallway, more comfortable in the Decepticon base than you had ever been in your own home. _Now, where_ was _Blackout?_


	79. Reunion

Barricade overtook him on an empty stretch of road in the desert and forced him to veer off into the dirt. You squealed in delight from the passenger seat of the Saleen and he rumbled a laugh, making the entire car vibrate.

You practically flew out of the car, stalking closer to the black pick up. A newer model, you noticed, but basically the same. Some things didn't change that much. _Neither did people,_ you mused.

Barricade transformed behind you, the mere sound sending a shiver up your spine. You wrenched the drivers side door open.

" _You!_ " The snarl was spit out in disgust when the driver recognized you.

"Hello, Phil. Long time no see."


	80. Grudges

The energon, or perhaps the nanites you got from the transfluid was responsible, must have slowly made you stronger because working out was not a thing you did. You grabbed him by the collar and with little effort you pulled your ex husband out of the car.

Barricade lounged lazily on the ground, stretched on his side, indulging you while keeping two optics on you. He looked beautiful, sun glinting on his heated armor and you did a double take before turning back to the issue.

"So, _dear_ _husband_ mine. We have some things to discuss."

"I'm _not_ your husband. I don't know what I _ever_ saw in you. You're _disgusting_!" He sneered in contempt, looking at Barricade derisively even as the Mustang growled in warning.

You punched him in the face. With a gleeful laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 80 chapters! I had no idea it would come to this when I started out, the plot literally started building around the sentence "you were back on that stupid corner." 
> 
> Thank you everyone for kudos and input and the encouragement to make an alternate ending. I'm quite in love with writing this and have grown so much as a writer from it.


	81. Smile for the audience

Phil was still sprawled on the ground when your favorite helicopters landed, joining Barricade and leaving you to your own devices. They spoke in Cybertronian and you didn't understand the nuances but you got the gist and Barricade was getting them up to speed on the events so far.

Vortex laughed when Phil got up slowly, holding a hand over his broken nose and you grinned proudly at the interrogator.

"I have what you asked for in my subspace. Got Hook to modify it for you. You can _thank_  us later." Vortex called out to you, managing to convey the lascivious leer even with mask and visor on.

"Deal!" You winked saucily at the mechs and Phil looked ready to throw up.

 


	82. Argument

"You're doing all of them?" He asked, no less disgusted than the first time you had this discussion. "Still a filthy slut, then."

"Shut up, just shut the fuck _up_." You snarled unprepared for his biting words and how much it hurt to hear them.

"Why? I guess I'm going to die here today anyway. Might as well tell you the fucking truth. I can see that you're as high as you ever was back then. And, _obviously_ , you're still letting them use your body."

"At least they can make me overload. You never managed to give me an orgasm in our entire marriage!" It was petty and you knew it.

A frisson of jealousy flared in your chest. You couldn't explain why so you just squashed it.

"Well it is kind of hard fucking someone who is as responsive as a doll. Unlike with them." He nodded in the direction of the 'Cons. "Then you were louder than a pornstar."


	83. Scorned lover

"You had _no right_ to make those videos! Or show them to anyone. You _ruined_ my _life!"_ You were snarling like a rabid dog.

"Well, if you thought it wasn't such a big deal to _cheat_ on me, then I just figured you wouldn't have a problem admitting it to everyone. Just face it; you're nothing but a junkie _whore_ with a sick fetish for fucking heavy machinery!

"You staggered back, because that _hurt_. He saw your shock and smirked viciously through the blood dripping from his nose, knowing he'd hit home.

"Tell me, _darling_ wife _,_ how does it feel when they _fuck_ you? Cold and hard? Just like you, then, you frigid _bitch_. Do you get off on them taking turns? Lining up to _fuck you_ one by one..." His malicious smile turned to anger and hatred. "I _loved_ you. But you never let me in."

"I was still mourning." You tried to defend yourself.

"I realized that, but you never told me _why_. You never allowed me to help you."

He was breaking you down, because somewhere deep down you knew he was right. _This was not the way this was supposed to go._ Maybe it really was your own fault?

 

 

 


	84. Realizations

You stood there, trembling, not knowing what to say or do. The memories of _Him_ surging forward, burning you from the inside, scorching your very being. Your ex husband staring at you with hateful viciousness in his eyes.

"You ruined your _own_ life. Our life together too." He said through his teeth, eyes gleaming with cold anger.

"You don't understand. I had a _bondmate_ who died, was killed in front of me."

It was the first time you even acknowledged that you had been bonded, realization hitting you hard. You felt a questioning nudge in your chest but you ignored it for now, unable to comprehend it.

"Bondmate?"

"An Autobot. I touched his spark and we bonded. You could never understand."

A sneer twisted his face. "An _Autobot_. So another robot. I should have known there was something not quite right with you. You're a disgusting pervert through and through." He glared at you with so much hate you recoiled.

 


	85. Shatter

"Do you really think it _loved_ you? That _bondmate_." He spit the word like it tasted bad.

"He did." You whispered, feeling yourself fraying at the seams.

"I bet it was _using_ you, just like all the others. I bet it just fucked you because you were so easy."

"He loved me." You whispered again, balling your hands into fists, nails digging into your palms, desperately trying to keep yourself together even being confronted with all the things you had avoided to face. Blood dripped from your hands.

" _Ironhide_ was it? I heard you say it's name in your sleep."

You broke. Wrapping your arms around you, the keen that left you sounded nothing human. The pain encompassing your heart bled out into your chest and your entire being. Distantly you heard Barricade warble in distress and commotion broke out but it was drowned out by the ice shattering your insides.

 


	86. Glitching

Barricade was rolling around on the ground, clawing at his chest plates, sharp talons leaving grooves in his armor. His vocalizer spit static and warbled incoherently, almost sounding like a dying animal.

"What the frag?!" Vortex shouted.

Blackout tackled the Saleen, pinning him to the ground with his massive bulk and Vortex grabbed you.

"Must be some kind of bond. He has sparkplayed with her." Blackout shouted back.

"Slag! She's making him glitch! We need to reboot them both." Vortex cursed.

You saw Phil starting to ease away and pointed at him, unable to get a single word out.

Vortex turned and swiped at your ex husband, bowling him along the ground, leaving him unconscious.

"She's not done with you yet, you pitspawned glitch."


	87. Sharing

"Hey, Blackout! Think we can knock 'em back to their processes with an overload?"

That caught your attention even through your pained haze. _What the frag was Vortex talking about?_!

"Ye'a think so. You and me in the middle?" Blackout talked over you.

_What?!_ _Were they serious?!_

"Sounds good."

Vortex plugged into you while handing another cable to Blackout. All of them flooded your awareness as soon as they connected, but Vortex and Blackout grunted in pain, Blackout scratching at his chest plates automatically.

"Pit, that hurts!" Blackout ground out.

"Good thing I'm a masochist." Vortex moaned.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today this project reached it's four month mark. Yay!


	88. Daisy-chaining

Vortex's arousal broke through your pain. You could feel Barricade through the bond and through the connection with Vortex who was connected with Blackout, the larger Helo plugged into Barricade.

It was weirdly dual; you felt Blackout's digits like they were yours when they slipped into Barricade's valve and at the same time you felt as if they slipped into you.

Vortex pulled on the pain from you and Barricade. He bucked and warbled, charge rising quickly and it echoed into all of you.

Barricade grabbed you and shoved you against his opening chest plates, the first contact with his spark enough to send you both over the edge. The 'copters followed you, helpless against your simultaneous release.

It stretched out forever, fed back between all of you until all you heard was glitching vocalizers and rattling plating.

 


	89. Aftermath

"Fucking _hell!_ " Vortex groaned.

You snorted at his use of human expletives.

Blackout's digits twitched, the larger 'copter sprawled on his front, faceplates to the ground.

"Intense!" Barricade slurred.

"Everyone functioning?" Vortex asked.

"Yah." You croaked.

Blackout's vocalizer bleeped. Vortex seemed to accept that as confirmation.

"Sticky." Vortex stated.

You lifted your head. _Sticky didn't even begin to describe it._

"Think we can go back to base, clean up and finish the... interrogation there?" You asked.

"Of course, babe." Barricade lolled his helm to be able to fix his two onlined optics on you.

 


	90. Incomprehension

You pushed the still unconscious Phil into Blackout's altmode and the 'copters took off unsteadily while you climbed into Barricade's passenger seat, curling up and leaning your head against the window.

"So..." You started.

He said nothing.

"Sorry about that whammy. Didn't know you'd feel it."

"What is 'sorry'? I know the word but not the feeling." He asked.

You pushed apologies and bad conscience at him, a little annoyed with his lack of understanding.

"Nah, still don't get it. Lack that programming."  He brushed it off. "You were bonded before?"

That not-your jealousy flared in your chest again, but what made you curl up harder was your resurfacing memories of  _Him_ , _His_ love for you, _His_ laugh. _His graying frame_.

"If that's what it feels like when one is deactivated, I think we better keep each other online." The Saleen shuddered from the pain.

 


	91. Falling deeper

Your disturbingly giddy laugh mixed with the pained groan of your husband. _Ex_ -husband.

You stabbed the custom made shock prod, _thank you, Hook!_ , in his side again, making him scream in agony and jerk in his restraints. You squealed in delight.

"How does it feel now, _darling_?! Regret spreading those videos?"

He looked up, baring bloody teeth in something that probably was meant to be a smile but only managed to be a grimace.

"Oh, _Hell_ no! Just because you've turned into a psycho doesn't mean that I regret that. Everyone deserved to know what a _freak_ you are! If you _weren't,_ they wouldn't have cared what you did, now, would they?"

_Maybe he was right? Your friends wouldn't really have cared who you had sex with, if it wasn't extremely disgusting and perverted, would they?_

You shrieked in anger and punched him in the face, sending two of his teeth flying.

"Eew, gross!" You retched.

Behind you, Vortex snorted a laugh.

 


	92. Show-off

Smeared in his blood, you watched him swallow repeatedly and wheeze his breath, your last hit having nailed him across the throat.

"Can somebot comm Hook?" You called out to the mechs behind you.

"Yeah. Why?" Barricade asked.

"I'm getting worked up here. I want to... _thank_ him. You too, Vortex." You turned your head towards the Helo, making sure Phil could still see the lascivious wiggle of your tongue.

Vortex's engine gave a sharp whine and he scrabbled over to you.

"Hook's on his way." Blackout called out.

You climbed on top of Vortex, working his rotorhub.

"You see, _darling_ , I thought I'd give you the courtesy of showing you _exactly_ why you could never measure up in the sack."

 


	93. Messing with the Mustang

Phil watched you with a horrified disgust that oddly satisfied you. It really _was_ a tangle: data cables and grippers crisscrossed everywhere, Hook and Vortex grabbing each other as much as they were groping you.

Hook's cable slipped into you and in a fit of wickedness, you pulsed the sensations your body had through the bond, watching Barricade as you did.

It was instantaneous; the Saleen went from reclining on his elbows, watching with lazy interest, to arching back with his vocalizer glitching warbles, interface panel snapping open. His cooling fans were roaring on full blast and with frantic servos, the black and white mech rubbed his anterior node, slipped digits into his dripping valve and plucked wires and cables on his own frame, desperate for release.

Blackout's helm snapped around in what looked like shock at the sudden change in the Mustang's behavior.

You grinned wickedly and nudged the two you were doing through the connection, making them aware of what was going on.

 


	94. Breaking the Saleen

Hook pulled out and you gave a needy whine at the loss and pushed it through the bond, Vortex teasing you maddeningly and all of you watched the Saleen, because, hey, it wasn't every day anyone of you got the chance to mess with the cocky little bastard. And then your efforts to flood him with need succeded, shattering his efforts to not give in completely.

With feedback howling from his vocalizer, engine revving loudly, Barricade rolled over on knees and servos, legs spread and his back strut arched, writhing in front of Blackout like a bitch in heat, the huge Sikorsky staring in shocked stupefaction at the sudden invitation.

"Please, Blackout, _please_ just _frag_ me, take me, I can't take this! I _need_ you! Come on fuck me, _fuck me now_! Spike me, frag me, hard and deep and fast and... _please,_ do me now!" The Saleen _begged_.

Blackout didn't need to be asked twice.


	95. Getting a show

You could feel Hook's gleeful giddiness. His brand of schadenfreude was getting it's fill with the Mustang being put in his place and it was making Hook even more charged. Well, it _was_ a hot show.

Blackout had grabbed Barricade across the neck strut, relentlessly pinning the smaller mech's helm to the floor with a huge servo, every hard thrust with his hips slamming into the Saleen with a loud clang of metal.

Barricade was wailing with need every time the Sikorsky hilted himself, his huge spike slamming into Barricade's ceiling node, and the Saleen warbled when Blackout slid out, stroking every sensory node in the slick valve with the motion.

Then Blackout grabbed Barricade's hips and ground into the Mustang, roaring his release. Barricade's vocalizer sounded like it fritzed and his entire frame shuddered.

You, _you devious little human_ , were prepared enough to keep the bond from pulling you over.


	96. Putting things into motion

Four optics glared at you as you came down from your own climax. Barricade was flat on his front, pinned under the prone frame of Blackout. The Helo had been knocked offline from his overload. You grinned at the sight, earning bared denta from the smaller mech.

That had been a fun interlude, but now it was back to business. You had an ex-husband to take care of. Sticky and shamelessly naked, you untangled yourself from the mechpile you were in and stopped in front of Phil. He was hanging by his restraints, body bruised and bloodied, but still he managed to look down on you, eyes filled with contempt.

You swiped at him with the knife you had grabbed from Hook's subspace, leaving a shallow cut across his chest, down his stomach. Your utter glee was turning into nervous hesitancy. Oh, you hated him, alright. Had dreamed of his painful death numerous times.

It was a completely different thing to go through with murder.

 


	97. Blood, guts and romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains some gore.

He looked even worse than before, his body littered with cuts from the sharp knife you wielded without enough pressure. Blood was running sluggishly from a cut in his throat, not enough to make him bleed out quickly.

You were getting frustrated with yourself, backing off in the last second every time, unable to get on with it and finish him.

"Vortex, can you sort of help?" You hated how your voice betrayed your weakness.

A gripper slid along your arm and grabbed gently around your hand. It was an oddly soft and intimate touch from Vortex, but then again, if _anyone_ could consider torturing a human _romantic_ , it would be Vortex. He helped you slide the blade across Phil's stomach with more pressure and now it went through. _Intestines were visible_.

Phil screamed in pure agony.

You threw up.

Vortex giggled. "Sensitive!"


	98. On consent

"What the fuck was that?!"

Barricade slammed the door to his hab suite shut behind the two of you, managing to stalk you threateningly even though he couldn't walk straight, Blackout's transfluid still dripping down his legs.

"My ex-husband's untimely demise?"

"Don't play stupid. The other... thing. It's not like I crawl around, _begging_ other mechs to _frag_ _me_ on my own accord."

"Oh, come on. It's not like you haven't interfaced with Blackout before." You were incredulous. _When did he turn into a prude?!_

"I didn't consent to that, it was all you!" He was seething, all wounded pride.

"Consider it payback, then. It wasn't like _I_ consented every time _you_ did stuff to me in the beginning." You hadn't forgotten.

"I'll have to fight off mechs itching to spike me now." He snarled.

"Call me when it happens, it was a good show." You sneered.


	99. In a rush

Crosshairs picked you up again. You knew what he wanted without him telling and you stripped in his passenger seat right away. You smirked when you h the hiccup of his engine.

He sped off into the desert, stopping short of the Autobot base and almost throwing you out, transforming in a flurry of motion and hydraulic hissing.

"My, aren't _you_ eager, big boy?" You purred, grabbing his offered cable and plugging it in with teasing slowness.

"Not much time! Big 'Bot's waiting." He groaned.

Good thing you brought a towel.


	100. Spacing out

It had been so easy, to slip the virus into his systems. His processor rebooting after his overload, firewalls down, it slid in and settled, writing itself into his code and making it undetectable.

Now it was just a waiting game for it to alter him, slowly, to not raise any suspicion. You stifled your smirk. It wouldn't do to be caught.

Everything was going according to plan. You had done what Starscream had asked you to when he gave you the virus and the instructions, but wouldn't they be impressed if you did even more? _Food for thought._

"Are you even listening?" Prime rumbled, disappointed again.

Right _. 'Debrief'. Oops_


	101. Enticing

"Drift, is it?"

The blue mech grunted an affirmative. He was another new addition to the crew.

"Nice to meet you." You purred.

He raised an optic ridge, taking you in.

"I know what you are. What you do." He stated.

"O k?" You were confused. What did that mean?

"I used to be like you. I ain't buying."

"Who said I was _selling_? I just like 'facing. Sometimes mechs give me gifts." You shrugged, pretending to not give a fuck.

He looked thoughtful for a while, studying you, and you stretched, as if to work out kinks in your body, effectively showing off.

"Well, I've never been with a human before..."

_Got him._


	102. Arouse

Crosshairs started to object at first, he wanted to drive you back, but he stopped, scowl turning to a knowing leer when Drift showed up to take you.

"Have fun." He said to Drift, raising an optic ridge, making a lewd gesture with his servo.

Drift flipped him off and transformed and you sunk into his passenger seat. As he drove off, you caressed his dashboard, down to his shift stick. His engine revved. You tweaked and stroked everything you could reach and he lurched a little on the road.

"Find someplace to park. _Please."_  You moaned, caressing yourself. You heard his engine stutter with arousal.

_Definitely_   _got him._

 


	103. Knockout

Coaxing Drift to overload wasn't as easy as most, the mech had excellent self control. But you were good, and once he reached the tipping point and you denied him, he was at your mercy and you easily made him overload hard enough to knock him offline.

He was rebooting when you installed the virus, processor still lost in post-'facial bliss, and it slipped into place as easily as it had on Crosshairs.

The 'Cons would be so _proud_ of you! And you knew that they would love the gift the virus would bring them. _Oh, if you could just seduce Optimus!_


	104. Report

"The virus is installed in, not one, but _two_ mechs. I do hope they are interfacing amongst each other. Then it will spread."

Combining business and pleasure was something most 'Cons figured the perfect arrangement, and so you told the good news sprawled on Megatron's berth.

"You, dear human, are an evil genius. Let's keep this a secret. It will be a wonderful reward for the soldiers that fight well. Who have you infected so far?"

"The 'Bots designated Crosshairs and Drift."


	105. Caught

Megatron barked a surprised laugh.

"Drift?! He was a Decepticon once, a good one at that. He was called Deadlock back then. This is just getting better, the most fitting revenge for that traitorous slagger!"

You preened. _Megatron was more than satisfied with your work!_

"We do have a serious issue to discuss though."

_That didn't sound good._

"And what would that be, mighty Lord Megatron?" _When in doubt, always suck up. Starscream taught you that._

"I have heard indications of you having a bondmate."

_Frag._


	106. State your case

"Yes, I guess I have."

"Don't look so surprised, Decepticons gossip more than teenage girls. I have strictly forbidden bonding in my ranks. It is an unnecessary weakness."

"It wasn't like we planned it. He thought sparkplay was safe with an organic and he was curious. The first time didn't really bond us. I mean, I was vaguely aware of him, but not like after a few more times."

"Hmh. Well, I heard rumors of how dangerous it could prove in battle. So, you need to state a very strong case for keeping you both online."

_Double frag_.


	107. Trial

"You need me. Nobot else could get into the 'Bot's base like I can. Besides, the 'Bots won't torture me or something like that, they are too foolishly nice for that. Worst thing that could happen is I'm killed in battle and you deactivate him if that happens. I figure it must be better to have two assets for as long as you can and have both deactivated at the same time instead of losing two prematurely. It would be the best option tactically. But ask Onslaught for a second opinion for all I care."

You played at arrogance, trying to slow your racing heart to conceal how nervous you were.

Megatron hummed thoughtfully, obviously judging what to do.


	108. Verdict

"I agree, you will live. As a punishment, you will not see _Barricade_ for a week."

You hesitated for long seconds before nodding in agreement. That was harsh, especially now that you finally had realized you _had_ a bond. Before the incident with Phil, you had just shrugged off the unexplained emotions in your chest and right now, you were trying to figure it out.

And now, because of the Blackout-incident, you weren't exactly on good terms, something that gnawed on you in an irritating way. You wanted to sort it out. Now.  _At least you could feel him through the bond..._  Megatron startled you out of your thoughts.

"I do have one request..."


	109. Request

You gaped.

Despite the obvious risk of a bond as a result, Megatron wanted to _sparkplay with you?!_ Just once, but still.

Curiosity.

That was his excuse. The ban on bonding had left the 'Cons curious about it, and you seemed like a safer option for some reason. Maybe because, even if you'd get the weak one-time bond, you were too weak to use the bond as leverage? His reasoning still didn't quite compute.

Still, you were flattered. _This was Megatron, after all!_

"Yes, I would love to."


	110. Patience

He held you in careful servos and you watched with anticipation as his huge chest plates unlatched several locks and slowly slid apart, mechanism creaking. He obviously hadn't done this in a very, very long time.

His spark pulsed with bright light, strong and tantalizing, and you could feel the heat warming you from yards away.

Megatron slowly brought you closer, hesitant like every first-timer, but you didn't encourage him, didn't rush. You just waited, suspended for minutes, with uncharacteristic patience. The anticipation was delicious in itself.


	111. Mutual selfishness

It would have been a heady feeling to do this with _Lord Megatron_ , except it wasn't possible to do that kind of gloating during sparkplay. The push and pull of feelings and sensations drowned out everything else.

With Megatron it was triumph, rage and ambition permeating you, the need to possess the entire universe. It was glorious, that unrelenting feeling of taking what you want, of pursuing your goals until you reached them.

It was utterly selfish and ruthless and it suited you just fine. You answered with hateful, petty vengeance and selfish need to stay alive and you heard him moan at your contribution.


	112. Reward

You watched the Constructicons assemble the energon converter, the big one that would provide enough energon for the 'Cons to pull off the worldwide heist.  

It was a thing of beauty, a masterpiece, stuffed with cloaking devices making it untraceable, distillation systems to make the energon more concentrated and easier to store.

"You have exceeded my expectations. The first batch of high grade will go to you, as a reward."

Megatron's voice rumbled over the construction site and Devastator's components broke out in cheers.

"Party!" Scrapper called out.


	113. Party

It was the wildest party you could remember. The high grade flowed and the Constructicons were overcharged as can be without going into stasis. Mixmaster and Long Haul passed out in a corner.

You weren't exactly sober yourself, a real lightweight with the potent energon. Hook crawled up behind you and Scrapper on the berth, because frankly, he was drunk beyond walking by now.

"I've ma-made you m...more arm'r." He slurred, voice crackling with static."

Aaw, that's so sweet."


	114. Upgrade

Turned out it wasn't just drunken ramblings. Hook really had made more armor for you. With Scrapper's help, he added after a glare from his brother.

They gave you painkillers and set to work. You heard the sounds of a drill and a screwdriver and you felt the pressure when they mounted things to your skeleton. It reminded you of when you got the first pieces of armor.

You felt the weight of the plates as they mounted them, new connections made to your nervous system, and couldn't wait to see what it would look like.

 

 


	115. Modded

It covered most of your body, painted in "fancy" Constructicon green. You _loved_ it. Hook had made more connections to your nervous system, installing more data ports. You loved that too, making you feel everything more through the sensors Scrapper had installed in the armor.

"You can remove it in sections, so you are still able to wear as much or as little as you like." Scrapper said.

"Thank you! I love it! _Oh_! can this be fitted with weapons?!"

Hook snorted a weird exvent.

"I think that could be arranged." Scrapper said.

 

 


	116. Deceit

You could really see why the Decepticons enjoyed... well, _deception_ so much. Used wisely, it could serve your own selfish purposes so well.

Barricade dropped you off, because it had to be him for this, and you swaggered into the donut shop like you owned the place, gun heavy on your hip.

"Morning officer, go ahead, I'll wait."

'Thank you, ma'am." You smiled at the old lady.

Inwardly, you laughed at the stupid bitch, letting you cut in line just because she thought you were a cop.


	117. Greed

"Do you _really_ need thirty donuts?" Barricade asked when he peeled out.

"Are you saying I'm getting fat?" You raised an eyebrow challengingly.

"Nope. It's just... _thirty_?! Come on, you're tiny."

You shrugged, stuffing your face with two donuts at once.

"They gave me a cop discount and I got greedy." You said around your mouthful.

"Hey, sugar's going everywhere! Do you know how fragging sticky that gets? He growled.

"I'll lick it off later." You smirked when the car lurched on the road.


	118. Behind enemy lines

"The 'Cons have made a new energon converter. It's somewhere around here..." You motioned vaguely across the map in front of you. "... I think."

"Are they making enough to make weapons?" Optimus asked.

"Not yet, but with just another one, it  _could_ turn into a problem. I'll keep an optic on it. Eye. An eye on it." You were starting to relate to yourself in mech terms.

"Please do, and keep us posted. Are you leaving now?"

"Actually, I'll be staying the night."


	119. Work it

Drift was in the washracks when you found him. _Alone_. You entered and stripped without hesitation, modesty something long forgotten.

He raised an optic ridge, not used to humans being so careless with flaunting skin. You turned your back to him and pulled your hoodie over your head and heard his sharp intake when you revealed the small amount of armor you'd chosen to wear this time. The Autobots hadn't seen it before.

You rippled it along your back, the movement slithering down your spine enticingly and smirked victoriously when you heard the rev of his engine.

_Pause for effect._


	120. Confirmation

When you turned, you flared the plates on your shoulders, taking careful note of his reaction.

The ex-Decepticon stared, optics roving your body, but it was instantaneous and obvious when he spotted it.

The Decepticon insignia, branded on the inside of one of your nimble plates, to reveal when wanted and conceal when needed.

You could practically see the virus activating, the last lines of code writing itself into his source code.

Drift fell to his knees with a keen and you could do nothing to stop the nasty smile stretching your lips.


	121. Toy

His fans roared and he _crawled_ over to you, aft in the air.

" _Please_ , master, frag me. I'm so _charged_." He whined.

You couldn't really accommodate that request, but it was the confirmation you needed of the virus' effect. _And why not have a little fun while you were at it?_

"On your back and spread your legs." You ordered.

Drift obeyed with a moan.

 

 


	122. Reset

With an entire arm in his valve and the other hand rubbing his node, you brought Drift to yet another overload, enough to send him offline.

With his systems down, frame lax, you easily pried a panel for a dataport open and plugged in the little scanner Starscream had given you.

Erasing the memory of the last half hour and replacing it with a faked one was easy enough, so was resetting the code attaching the swordsmech to you.

You clamped your plating to hide the brand when he came online, feigning lazy, postcoital satisfaction.

"Damn, you are _good_!” You praised him to hide your smirk.


	123. Relaying results

"The virus is active."

You said, running a hand along the seam of Starscream's wing. He pressed into the touch and you pushed in deeper, toying with his wires.

"Good. We will soon be ready for the next phase."

"I can't wait." You didn't even hesitate for a second, excited with vengeful spite.

Starscream groaned when you found a sensitive coupling.

"Ah, yes! Harder!"


	124. First strike

You were _not_ as prepared as you thought.

The black pillars of smoke stood out against the clear blue skies, surreal. The deceptively beautiful day on earth suddenly seemed like a mockery in light of the horrifying scenes rolling on the news.

The Eiffel tower crumbled.

Bloodied faces, screaming in panic and pain.

You watched the big screen in the base with a hollow, cold feeling in your chest, trying hard to smother it, to keep it from leaking into the bond. Vaguely, you felt Megatron's bloodthirsty satisfaction through your weak bond.


	125. News

The strike on France was orchestrated perfectly. Not a single human knew who did it. Except you. But you didn't tell.

Starscream was basking in the praise from Megatron, for once the pair had worked together and the results were devastating.

The news reported that the military of France had taken a hit as well but was left with enough force to strike back.

All according to plan, you heard Starscream say. You left quietly, going back to your quarters.

 

 


	126. Second thoughts

Dry heaving over the sink. You had helped out so willingly, and now you weren't sure anymore. But you couldn't go to the Autobots. Confess your betrayal? Show how far you'd fallen? No.

You staggered back to your bed and fell in a powerless pile. _What had you done?_  A hiccupping sob wracked your nearly nude body. _What had you become?_

You couldn't stand to think about it. You knew exactly what you needed. On bare feet, you padded off to find... _Anycon._


	127. Habits

Wildrider was the first one you found and he was all too happy to lead you to the Stunticons quarters. A cube of high grade later and you were blissfully numb again.

Laying splayed on the berth, too high to really do anything else. The black and red mech leaned over you. His digit slipped between your legs, the size difference ridiculous. You rubbed against him nonetheless, out of habit or want? You couldn't tell.

"I always wanted to try this." He said, voice full if anticipation.

_That admission should've concerned you._

 

 


	128. Self punishment

It was excruciating. The stretch was unbearable. You wailed in pain but still you panted for more. Wildrider pulled his digit out but happily obliged and pushed back in, keeping a steady rhythm.

_You deserved this._

He fisted his spike with his other servo, fans on full blast. You vaguely smelled your own blood, but were beyond caring.

He quickly covered you with transfluid. That you came in spite of the pain was a surprise.

 

 


	129. Who's to blame?

You staggered out of the Stunticons' room, blood dripping down your legs, and collapsed on the floor.

Vaguely you were aware of somebot carrying you and dumping you in a berth.

Hook snarled something and started working on you, for once not leering when touching your private parts.

"It wasn't Wildrider's fault this time. I asked for it. Don't punish him." You slurred.

 

 


	130. Beginning of the end

The next strike was UK. You watched dispassionately from the berth in the medbay as the news broadcast showed Seekers disguised as French fighter jets bombing several military bases.

_Deception._

Nobody was aware if who was really responsible. People were panicking. Prepping became a normal way of functioning. The military was on high alert.

In the Decepticon stronghold, high grade flowed, chairs were broken and orgies were had. _The fall of Earth had begun._


	131. Gullible

"It was hard for me to get here. The 'Cons are playing it close now, and they don't like seeing me leave. You know, it _is_ a dangerous world right now."

Optimus stared at you, optics unreadable. Of course he would have a hard time believing the 'Cons had _nothing_  to do with this. He had to be _stupid_  not to think that.

"And there isn't any indications that Megatron will exploit the situation?" He hedged, but you recognized his incredulity.

"None whatsoever."

You didn't think him stupid for a second. _Gullible_ , yes. Stupid, _no._  A frisson of guilt rattled you. _He_ would've seen right through you.


	132. Escalation

Somewhere in a pleasure addled haze, linked up to the components of Menasor, you heard the newscast. Brazil was joining the fray, marking the engagement of another continent. Everycon cheered, the link forced joy on you.

The countries of Europe not already at open war, were flexing their wings. Troops at all borders. The open travel of the EU had been cancelled. The US was at defcon 2. Everybody said they didn't start it, but nobody stopped shooting.

Not even the Autobots suspected the Decepticons, you were that good at telling them lies.

You let the pleasure sweep you away from your doubts, intent on getting high grade to chase it afterwards.

 _What_ _had_ _you_ _done?_

 

 


	133. Eradication

Asia was next to fall, and did they fall hard! Nukes dropped, billions dead...

The human race was slowly eradicating itself, numbers dropping day by day.

You wrapped yourself around Megatron's spike, licking the metal and exerting your limbs with your strongest grip.

"You'll be a Queen, an empress among fleshies! The tattered remains of humanity will crawl before you! And the Autobots will be _mine_!"

He groaned, clearly turned on by the thought of slaves of all kinds. It _was_ kind of a tantalizing thought.

 

 


	134. Reconciliation

DEFCON 1.

Possibly for the first time in history. The world was falling apart. Europe was in pieces. Asia was _gone._  Too many nukes, too many itchy trigger fingers.

The US tried to hold down the fort, a troublesome task when an increasing amount of the population left in the world was going rogue, ordinary people ganging up into militia groups for survival. Looting was the norm. Money had no value anymore.

I picked up an AK47 for the first time in my life, and I didn't dare put it down.

_You_ lounged on top of Blackout, overloaded to exhaustion and high as a kite. Had you really reconciled with the thought of being the one to bring it down?


	135. See you falling

Crosshairs was the first 'Bot to fall, and what a fall it was! You were there, watching the fight from the cockpit of Vortex's altmode.

It was finally time for the Decepticons to join the fight, the world already in pieces, the military in disarray. But it wasn't a fight, it was a massacre.

The green Corvette showed up, transforming so smoothly you got wet. His guns powered up, ready to take on Blackout. The black Helo was wreaking havoc on the human troops.

Blackout turned toward the cocky paratrooper, his insignia blazing in the light from the fires, ready to deliver a smackdown.

Crosshairs froze. His optics cycled. You watched him shake his head, as if trying to clear his processor when the virus rewrote his code. Then he fell to his knees, servo weakly dropping his blaster.

 

 


	136. Come crawling

With optics fixed on Crosshairs, firing the last shot without even sparing the targets a glance, Blackout erased the last human soldiers from existence, almost as an afterthought.

The green 'Bot crawled to Blackout on all fours. You just wished you could hear what was being said. The Helo watched with his helm cocked as Crosshairs reached for him, servos caressing thickly armored thighs with trembling reverence.

"What the...?!"

Vortex sounded incredulouss as he watched an _Autobot_ lean in to drag his glossa over Blackout's interface panel, digits drawing suggestive circles on the big Decepticon's hips.

 

 


	137. Need

Blackout swaggered into the base like a king after the battle, the new pet following him obediently, yet leashed all the same.

The others gathered around, taunting the 'Bot, taking in the paint transfers on his hips, the transfluid on his face and the lubricant dripping down his legs.

Crosshairs said nothing, just looked at the 'Cons gathered, optics sticking on their insignias. He licked his lip plates and his entire frame started shivering.

Everybot went quiet when his interface panel retracted, lubricant already dripping from his valve. The Autobot turned pet pushed three digits into his valve.

" _Please_ , masters, I _need_  you. Please fill me, I'm burning up!" He wailed.

 

 


	138. Pleasurebot

"Who's up for a good frag? This little cutie has a really tight valve, well at least he had before _I_  used him, and he's good with his glossa too." Blackout said and raised his servo, holding the leash out to the crowd as an offering.

Motormaster snatched it, tugging Crosshairs forward. The Autobot moaned when the Decepticon truck batted his servo away from his valve, replacing it with his thick digits.

Motormaster growled approvingly and his spike sprung free when he slid in knuckle deep into the hot, leaking valve. He slammed the smaller 'Bot's back against the wall, lifting him and sliding in to the hilt in one smooth move.

"So needy. Always knew you'd bend over for the Decepticons one day."

"Yes, harder! _Deeper_! I'm your whore to frag and fill as you please, Master."


	139. Pawns

The takeover rolled along smoothly. The humans, _because you didn't really consider yourself human any more,_  did most of the work on their own.

You marveled at how easy it had been. Just sow a little doubt and distrust and reap the benefits later when they played out their parts. Like pawns in a game, too self centered to realize somebot else was pulling the strings, using them for another purpose. Momentarily, you wondered if you were just another chip on the board but you waved that away. You were special.

The Autobots didn't even know where to begin to clear up the mess, and so you were all lounging around, watching the world fall apart through a pleasant buzz of high grade.


	140. Run

We were running. _Again_. Me and my crew. A crew consisting of other survivors, most of them ordinary people like me, who had chosen to do whatever it took to survive.

My meager possessions in my backpack weighed me down, as did my dearly beloved AK, the one thing I owned that I couldn't afford to lose. Who'd have thought I'd love a gun like that. I owned it my life.

A freshly looted hunting knife slapped my thigh with every step, the strings left untied in our haste to run for cover.

We had been "shopping" in a deserted hardware store, intent on hitting the grocery later, when the warning whistle from the lookout came: _Cybertronians incoming_. So I grabbed what was in my hand; a box of rounds for my shotgun, and headed for the forest, shopping unfinished.

I got the knife, but tonight... Tonight, there would be no dinner. Just like yesterday.


	141. Selfentitled

You thought about me, for once thinking about a human that wasn't yourself. You wondered what had happened to me, a shard of guilt momentarily cutting you.

The news networks were long gone, TV and radio silenced when everyone stopped caring about their jobs and started surviving. Besides, nobody watched TV any more. Except you and the cons.

The power grid was down, leaving earth in darkness after the sun set. Except the con base. You had plenty of energon, and so there'd be light and sound.

You slipped deeper into your bathtub, sipping your high grade, and changed song on your stereo with the remote.

_Hadn't you earned this?_


	142. Play dead

_Seeker engine's approaching_. We all curled under tarps made to reflect heat, trying to keep as still as corpses.

When they approached, I held my breath. They could detect the heated air we exhaled. We discovered that when... _When Hank was killed._  I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks, keeping the sob in as best as I could, my body convulsing instead.

It played before my eyes again, how I saw him panting under his tarp, the air he exhaled creating a steam cloud around the little opening he left to have a peephole. The air was frigid, the ground chilling us quickly. Then everything turned to light and noise for a second and when the smoke cleared Hank was nowhere to be found, his hideout replaced with a crater.

I curled tighter on the damp, cold moss and tried to focus on living to see another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6 months! I've been doing this for six months! And I love this more than ever. Thanks for all the support!


	143. Pet(s)

When you entered the throne room, the first thing you saw was _Crosshairs_. The green Autobot kneeled between Megatron's knees, helm bobbing up and down with a rhythm set by Megatron's servo pushing on the back of his helm. The pet was obviously enjoying himself, if the growing puddle of lubricant was anything to go by, his legs wet and glistening.

The ever present leash was wrapped around Megatron's other servo and he toyed lazily with it, the occasional tug drawing little mewls from the Autobot.

You stopped in your tracks, staring. It was one of the hottest sights you'd been treated to in a very long time. Your installation of the virus had been worth the effort.

The Decepticon leader caught your eye and smirked knowingly. He beckoned you forward and you eagerly obeyed.


	144. Monthly....

It should've been _that_ time of the month. If you didn't miscalculate it, and that was plausible too.

The constant buzz of energon had the days blending together into a haze, especially now that you didn't really monitor the progress of the invasion. The lack of broadcasting made it slip down your priority list.

Why were you worrying anyway? It wasn't like you could get pregnant by them. _Right?_

Downing another cube, you pushed it out of your mind. When _was_ the last time you bled? Probably months ago. Normal, then.  _Nothing to worry about._

 

 


	145. Close call

Our group was decimated and split up, running in blind panic. A few had been lured with pretty promises of food and shelter, shipped off in a black and purple semitruck, riding toward a future I didn't dare to put my hope in.

As soon as the truck was out of sight, the remaining mechs turned on us and we bolted. The sounds of weapons firing and the screams of the dying rang in my ears, the smell of burning flesh tricking my starving body to feel hunger instead of disgust.

I glanced back and knew it was over, that horrible moment stretching forever when you are beyond a shadow of a doubt that _this is it_ , your life ends here. I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain...

Metal clashed and I snapped my eyes open. The 'Con who had lunged for me was _airborne_ , tangled with another mech.

I ran and didn't look back.


	146. Glum outlook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: narrator contemplating suicide. If you managed all the crappiness so far but draw the line there, skip this chapter. It won't ruin the flow in the overall storyline.

Exhaustion sets in eventually, a human can run on pure adrenaline only for so long. I had to stop, lack of nourishment and rest took it's toll.

I realized that I was completely alone for the first time since this nightmare began and I curled up on the wet forest floor. It seemed to always be wet and cold nowadays. I had lost track of where in the country I was a long time ago.

Was it even worth to go on? Would I ever see another human? Would I slowly starve, or be torn apart by a Cybertronian?

_The gun was looking so friendly...._


	147. Out of luck

I don't know how long I stared at that gun, undecided. It would be so easy to end it all but that stubborn will to live kept me from doing it. Or maybe I was a coward.

The sounds of engines snapped me out of it, obviously there was a road close by. The only vehicles I had seen moving in a very long time wasn't terrestrial.

I cursed. Stupid mistake, letting my guard down. I wouldn't have time to find cover. Huddling behind a rock, I prayed that they hadn't seen me, even with their vastly superior technology. The engines grew closer, then stopped. Sounds of transformation.

_I was out of luck_.

 

 


	148. Last stand

I knew it was useless to run at this stage, so I stayed down and stock still even though it would do me no good.

Heavy pedesteps approached and I held my breath, hugging my gun. If I was going down, I'd fucking go down with a bang and do what I could to take one with me.

The mech walked past the rock I was hidden behind and I stood, aiming for his chest. I don't know why, but my supposed last words could be considered a cliche from a bad action movie.

"Die, motherfucker!"

The mech turned and I caught a flash of blue that had me stalling.


	149. Decision

Meeting Optimus Prime for the first time was intimidating to say the least.

The mech was huge, but that wasn't what really whacked me speechless, because holy fuck, did he have _presence_.

After a meal of canned goods and freeze-dried rations, the most _delicious_ thing my famished palate had _ever_ tasted, a long bath in a makeshift tub and a good night's sleep on a lumpy mattress for the first time since God knows when, I had decided without second thought.

"I'm standing with you. I'll fight until I draw my last breath."


	150. L.U.I.

With the world's military basically gone and the Autobots at a disadvantage, the harvest of energon was a walk in the park. The Decepticons off shift were constantly overcharged and so were you.

Sometimes you resurfaced enough to think coherently for short moments, and those times, the hole in your chest felt even worse, because deep down you _knew_ you were betraying  _Him._  Lucky for you, the guilt was easily drowned out with more high grade.

 

 


	151. Prisoner

The next Autobot to be caught was Bumblebee, but the yellow sports car wasn't infected with your virus. You watched dispassionately as he tugged at his restraints, servos stretched above his head, chains bolted to the ceiling. He kept glaring daggers at you.

Hook came in and fitted him with a shock collar, because Megatron loved the thought of _forcing_ submission as much as he liked having 'Bots programmed to be willing pleasuremechs.

You followed the procedings with rapt attention. _Hook was so hot when he was working._

 

 


	152. Eager

The look on his faceplates was priceless, the way Bumblebee's optics brightened in shock when Crosshairs was lead inside, Scrapper holding the leash.

Crosshairs got down on all fours and Drag strip pushed his coat to the side, testing the Autobot's valve with his digits. The green mech moaned and pushed back with his hips but Drag strip pulled out, just to replace the fingers with his spike.

Astrotrain held out his thick spike in front of Crosshairs and the Autobot lapped and sucked at it, eager to please his masters.

Somewhere in the background, Bumblebee gagged.


	153. Proposition

It was quiet in the Autobot base, everybody deep in thought. Bumblebee was gone and we had no way to retrieve him, nothing to bargain with, not even a clue how to contact the 'Cons.

Sideswipe came up to me, we'd developed a friendship over the weeks. He'd told me about you and Ironhide and I had filled in with my stories from our childhood and rebellious teens.

"Ever interfaced with a Cybertronian?" He asked, casually.

"No." I snorted, just a little surprised.

"You wanna?"

"Sure, why not."

 

 


	154. Hope

It served as a reminder that we were still alive and free, gave us hope, but I finally saw why you did it over and over again. Not that I ever judged you for the xeno stuff, I just didn't want you to keep hurting yourself. 

It was glorious, Sideswipe was really good, and we were completely in sync in a way I had never experienced before.

In a small corner of my heart, I held on to the hope that it would all be OK, that the world could be saved, and that we could have something deeper than friends with benefits.


	155. Down he goes

You and me both watched Drift go down, _literally_ , from opposite sides of the battle.

We were already outnumbered and outgunned and we were fighting our way backwards toward a retreat to live and be free another day.

I spotted you in my scope, a cold smirk contorting your once pretty face, and for a brief moment when your forehead was in my crosshairs, I itched to take the shot -

_I couldn't._

I followed your gaze and saw Drift getting to his knees in front of Onslaught, reverent hands ghosting sturdy thighs.

It was too late. We couldn't get him and fell back. Abandoning our friend to an unknown fate.


	156. Reunion

"Deadlock! Such a lovely reunion!" Megatron called out from his throne, a nasty smile in place, grandiose gesture with his servo to the ex-Con.

You reclined on the armrest and watched Drift come crawling on all fours, following Vortex who tugged lightly on his leash. Drift mewled wantonly and rubbed against the copter's leg.

"One of your... greatest _admirers_ have arrived recently." Megatron smirked.

You looked up as the doors opened and the gathered 'Cons parted respectfully. His voice was deep and smooth when he spoke, sending a shiver through your plating.

"Hello, _Deadlock._ It will be _my_ pleasure to finally spend some time with you _.'"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can anyone guess who Deadlock's admirer is?
> 
> Anyone guessing right can request a 'facing scene for a future chapter. You have one day and one shot at guessing.


	157. Smooth talker

The purple Decepticon strode through the parting masses, crimson optics brilliant through the slits in his mask.

"Tarn, sir." Vortex greeted him and stepped back timidly, optics trained on the floor.

He held out the leash to the large mech, probably a tank, judging by the treads on his shoulders.

"Sadly I have strict orders not to damage you too much." Tarn murmured, his voice making everybot shiver.

"But I guess it would be redundant. With your new coding, you would find pleasure in that too, wouldn't you?" He crooned, deep voice smooth and silky as a lovers embrace.

"Yes, _Master."_  Drift moaned, kneeling before the mech, smoothing his palms down his own frame.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep! Mystery mech is Tarn!
> 
> Wishonastar, claim your prize and state your request! :-)


	158. Tarnished

"It truly is ironic, isn't it? The way you've gone full circle." Tarn rumbled.

His voice had everybot, and you, trembling in arousal as he slowly hilted himself in the moaning ex-Con, Drift firmly pinned to the floor by a servo on his neck, hips hiked up.

"The buymech gone Decepticon." A forceful thrust into the wet valve, Drift gasping.

"Decepticon turned _Autobot_." The last word sneered and punctuated with a punishing thrust and a harsh twist to an armor plate. Drift still moaned in pleasure.

"Autobot turned _pleasurebot_ , free for all your _betters_ to use." Another hard jab with his spike, another twisted plate.

 _"Yes, Master_! More!" The Autobot mewled, all wanton need.

Drift overloaded with a wail at the next forceful thrust.

Tarn pulled out, silently defiling the frame he was using with his transfluid, seemingly emotionless as he allowed the traitor to take pleasure in his humiliation.


	159. Pass that mech

Tarn stood fluidly, pulling Drift to his feet with the servo he had wrapped around the smaller mech's neck.

"I was ordered not to damage him because he is all yours, _loyal_ Decepticons. So go ahead. _Enjoy_  yourselves." Tarn rumbled to the crowd, voice modulated to arouse.

His field was thick with amusement when he pushed the ex-Con into the waiting crowd. He sat down on the dais, watching Drift be swarmed and covered with impatient servos, pawing all over his frame.

Crosshairs was dragged inside and surrounded in seconds.

Tarn hummed, ramping everybot's charge up and you heard Megatron groan before he grabbed you and dumped you in his lap. 


	160. Pounce

Everybot was sated, sprawled out all over the place.

"Quite the show, my Lord." Tarn said.

"Yes." Megatron looked thoughtful.

"Pets! Get up here!" He shouted.

The two Autobots obeyed, crawling on all fours to kneel in front of Megatron, optics respectfully downcast.

"We want a show. Frag each other like you used to before you... landed in our _care_. Make it interesting, show us what kind of service we should ask you for."

It was just a momentary flicker in their optics, something about it that penetrated the slave code and disgusted them. It was gone almost instantly.

Then Crosshairs pounced on Drift.


	161. Foreplay

Crosshairs tackled Drift to the floor, digits and glossa slipping into transformation seams as he nibbled and licked his way down Drift's ventral plating.

The ex-Con let his knees fall to the sides, arching his back strut to press into the touch.

The audience watched them hungrily, EM fields mingling with growing arousal and interest. The kind of attention the 'Bots paid each other's wirings and cables were something new to them, previously only something you did and they had written off as an organic quirk.

Drift mewled and you heard several sets of cooling fans speed up, the 'Cons obviously liking what they saw.

 

 


	162. Permission

The green Autobot lapped at Drift's valve, teasing the slit with his digit and stroking the anterior node with his flattened glossa. 

Drift moaned, hips jerking, eager to get the digit inside. Crosshairs slipped it in to the first knuckle and swirled it, making the other 'Bot wail in frustrated pleasure.

" _Please_! I-I _need_...." He whimpered.

Crosshairs glanced at Megatron, asking his Lord for permission to continue.

"Go on. Spike him. We want a demonstration." He encouraged, fans on full blast.

Crosshairs spike immediately pressurized, the permission allowing his programming to initiate it. He rubbed the tip against Drift's valve and the samurai instantly overloaded.


	163. Grand finale

He slid his spike into the still quivering valve, hilted himself in a smooth move and Drift pushed his hips up to meet the thrust.

Crosshairs set a quick but not overly hard pace, tilting his hips to stimulate every node inside the dripping valve. His thumb found the anterior node and it was just seconds before Drift overloaded again.

"Don't fill him with your transfluid. His valve is reserved for the honor of taking Decepticon fluids." Megatron rumbled.

Crosshairs optics flickered, a moment of resistance before the coding forced him to obey his master. A few more thrusts had his movements go jerky and he pulled out, his transfluid jetting over Drift's chassis pushing the samurai into his third overload, the crowd cheering and catcalling.

Drag Strip sauntered up to them, valve panel open.

"Put that glossa to good use, _Autobot_."

 

 


	164. Extinguish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major character death in this chapter.

I watched Jazz deactivate. The damage from the last battle was too much for his worn down frame. Drop by drop, his measly levels of energon soaked the dirt under his slowly graying body.

We had no supplies for fixing him, no energon to give him and his self repair was just too taxed. We didn't even have roof over our heads, forced to hide in the forest.

I curled up on his cooling chest plates, a never ending stream of tears chilling my cheeks. My bleeding shoulder stained the metal but he didn't care, so neither did I.

"You _have_ to promise me..." His voice turned to static when his vocalizer glitched. "Never stop fighting. _Promise_ me that." He rasped, optics flickering.

"I promise." My voice was just a hoarse whisper.

It was as if those words, that little promise, was what gave him peace, allowed him to let go. Through his plating, I felt his spark gutter. The slow thrum became erratic before it extinguished and went still and silent.

No need to stay hidden in the world could stop the wail escaping my cracked lips.

 

 


	165. Making good on promises

We were a ragged bunch, the four of us left. Prime, Ratchet, Sides and me. Their plating was dull and scratched, crude patchjobs with human made metal covering parts of their once pristine paint jobs.

Bruises and scars marred my skin and my torn clothes were stained with dried blood and energon. I couldn't find it in me to care.

_Primus_ we were tired to the bone. Both food and energon was scarce. So was sleep and recharge.

It was hopeless. We were so damned _outnumbered_. And we knew it. At this point, it was just one thing that kept me going.

_I promised Jazz that I wouldn't stop._


	166. Periodic problems

You were back in your quarters, alone for once, and again, you got to think about your period. Or, rather you _lack_ of it. You hadn't had one since the last time you thought about it. That was... a long time ago. You thought. Time was just... _passing_. Inconsequential.

But this wasn't. So you padded off to find Hook, hoping he would be able to give you a check up, heart racing wildly in your chest. Because one thing you were _not_  ready to handle would be some sort of half-breed growing in you. Then another thought hit you, stopping you in your tracks.

Who would be the father?  



	167. Physical

On the slab in Hook's medbay, you reclined and waited anxiously while he poked you, took samples and made scans, thoughtfully humming and mumbling to himself as he went.

"I have very limited knowledge of human reproductive systems, and since the internet went down, I'll have a hard time finding information. But one thing is certain: there's something metallic in there."

Your heart sank. What if it was a mech? _Half_ _mech_? What would be your verdict? Would the 'Cons keep you? Would you be allowed to keep it? _Would you want to_?

 

 


	168. Uncertainty

The 'Structies crowded around the monitors and you felt incredibly small and vulnerable, something you rarely felt around the 'Cons, on the slab as they tried to figure out what was going on with you.

"More metal up here..."

"...should it look like..."

"Is it even possible that...."

"...not that I know..."

You heard broken parts of their conversation as Mixmaster drew another blood sample from your arm.

 

 


	169. Relent

After much grumbling, Hook finally relented to his Gestalt's pleas and consulted Knock Out. The rivalry between the two medics was well known and you weren't certain you liked this idea. Knock Out was newly arrived and the pretty doctor had yet to warm up to you. 

Read:  _allow you to jump his shiny struts._

 _This _probably_ wouldn't make you more appealing to him. But if you wanted answers, he was the next 'Con to ask, and so you relented. For once, your anxiety outweighed your need for another conquest._


	170. Waiting

It was a long wait after they commed Knock Out. You were chewing your nails, because come _on,_ howlong could it take to get to the medbay?!

When he _finally_  sauntered in, with his trademark haughty air of knowing just how fucking _spectacular_ he looked, your finger was bleeding.

He carried a machine that looked suspiciously human in origin and put it next to you on the berth before turning to a dentagrinding Hook.

 

 


	171. Spread

"I'm a medic. _Of course_ I took interest in how the human frames function. I found files in an abandoned library. Maybe you should try it sometime?" Knock Out gloated at a seething Hook.

"Can we please get on with this? _Please._ " You were still on the medberth and, _for once,_ you were getting tired of spreading your legs.

Knock Out raised an optical ridge but slipped a gripper into you to... well, _something_. You winced when he palpated you from the inside.

_Your first time with Knock Out and it was nothing but embarrassing and unsexy._ You thought bitterly.

 

 


	172. Ultrasound

The machine was an ultrasound machine. Knock Out had figured out that the thing missing on Hook's scans was a good read on the organic material.

You yipped when he spread the cold gel on your stomach. He plus into the machine with a data cable and checked your belly thoroughly before slathering more gel on your chest.

"Hey!" You groused, because _what the hell_?!

"Don't get your armor in a pile. I have to check another anomaly." He scoffed and proceeded his work.


	173. Answers

"You definitely have something living in there. It's part metal and part organic. I think I can discern a rotor, but it's too early to tell. Still mostly looks like a piece of scrunched up metal. Looks like it has a human heart."

It wasn't exactly the answer you had hoped for. You had never contemplated children, because after _Him_ , you were never fit to have them. And you had never met anyone you wanted a family with.

Besides this wasn't really a kid. It was a... thing. Something formerly unheard of. You were roused from your musings by Knock Out resetting his vocalizer.

"Do you get any human appropriate nutrition at all? Your frame process energon for sure, but your test results are far from good. And you have metal deposits in several places in your tissue. I don't know if it is malignant or unharmful."

_Brilliant._

 

 


	174. Waiting

After much discussion with Knock Out and Hook, and a downright farce of a vote among all the mechs using your services, you decided to keep the thing. At least for now.

You stretched out on the medberth and took a deep breath to try to soothe you nerves. Even with massive amounts of high grade in your system, you were still jittery.

Hook and Knock Out loomed over you as you slowly dozed off with the sedatives, eyes blinking slowly and blurring out of focus. They were getting ready to open you up and take samples from your deposits. You were once again waiting for answers, and the blackness swallowing you was a welcome relief.

 

 


	175. Issue tissue

Your body was damaged. Years of malnutrition had taken it's toll. Sure, you'd adapted to use energon instead of real food, but not all the changes were for the better. Some of the deposits in your tissue was just that; metal stored at odd places for no good reason. Just your body trying to handle the foreign material.

Hook and Knock Out agreed, for once. You needed to regularly have real food, as well as your energon. It wouldn't be easy to keep that up, with the state of the world and whatnot. But you had to try. Your life depended on it.

You reached for your glass of high grade, trying to drown the problem.


	176. Fuck to celebrate

You hitchhiked with Vortex a few towns over from base. It was becoming routine by now, having one of the 'Cons take you out to scavenge for whatever edible things left in the mostly looted stores.

It was nasty. Canned goods were the most common stuff. Baked beans and ravioli wasn't exactly your favorites. Padding around the store, leaving safety detail to the 'Con lounging outside, you came around an empty shelf and squealed in delight. On the floor, partially covered with debris, you found a bottle of wine and a package of pasta. And you had seen olive oil a few shelves away. _Tonight, you were having Italian!_ What a treat!

"You OK in there?" Vortex rumbled.

_More than OK! This called for a celebration._

"Vortex, I want to 'face!"


	177. Stuck

Of course you did it right there on the ruined street, between dilapidated buildings. None of you even had to be shameless for it; there was no sign of life for miles and miles.

But when Vortex's gripper slipped into you, covered in transfluid, something happened. You felt a shift inside you and suddenly it was stuck. Both of you freaked out, but trying to pull out hurt and so you were forced to stay still.

Vortex commed Knock Out, even though you requested Hook, and had to sit there through the double embarrassment of the entire situation itself and, as a cherry on top, Knock Out finding it out.

_Brilliant_.


	178. Locked in place

There was nothing you could do but sit and wait. You felt a rhythmic contraction, pulling on the gripper and by the description, Knock Out guessed that it was something he called a framelock, your changing physique trying to behave like a Cybertronian frame.

It was almost dark outside when Vortex was finally able to slip free, a couple of hours spent mostly in awkward silence. He flew you home, your mood dampened from the elation of your earlier finds.

Back at base, you headed for the medbay with your shoulders slumping, another check up ordered by Knock Out.

_Frag_ _your life._  



	179. Resentment

Apparently, the transfluid your body had managed to suck from the gripper, just a shallow coating from Vortex touching himself, had been enough for this time.

You gagged, disgusted by what your body did, how it overrode what you _wanted_ to do. The little thing inside you made you feel used, a vessel with the sole purpose of accommodating it's needs. It should be a wonderful experience, but you had spent so much time thinking of nobody but yourself and all you could feel was resentment.

Knock Out studied you, face unreadable, as you grimaced at the thought of needing to find a transfluid donor. Not that you objected to 'facing, but this was just... _disgusting._  



	180. Medical advice

"I can definitely see rotors now."

Knock Out was scanning you again. You stared at the screen and couldn't understand how he could make any sense of the pictures at all.

"I can't tell for certain, but I think it would be a good idea to have a rotary frame for a donor. The less different input, the better, I think. We already have the uncertainty of the cross species part, let's not involve different frametypes too."

Hook nodded. The two medics seemed to agree on almost everything these days. You, on the other hand, bristled.

"So I can't even 'face who I want now?" You crossed your arms in childish petulance.

"You can. The donation part could be reserved for our Helicopters. If they are willing."


	181. Choose a donor

Back in your room, with a bowl of pasta and a glass of wine, you sat on your bed, thinking things through. It was giving you a headache. This was _not_ how you planned this evening to go.

According to the medics, the need for transfluid was low right now after your catastrophic attempt to have some fun with Vortex, but you would soon need more since the donation was so small. Well, more like _the thing_ needed more. It wasn't _your_ choice after all.

So. _A rotary._

You opened a commlink, hesitating for a few seconds.

"Blackout, I need... uhm, I need to talk to you."

 

 


	182. Pig like you

This time, you let him donate first and managed to avoid a framelock. It was an uncomfortable and embarrassing process, but you got it over with and could proceed to the fun part.

You were on your hands and knees when you realized exactly _how_ distended your stomach was, leaving you looking quite similar to a potbellied pig. Blackout was a big mech and you had received a lot of his fluids, making you feel swollen and sloshy. You grimaced. There was just nothing fun and sexy about it at all.

  
_It better be worth it._  



	183. Movement

It was growing fast with the frequent donations. Both Vortex and Blackout happily provided fluids. Not that they cared much for the sparkling, but it put you in their berths and that was enough for them.

You were in your own bed, trying to rest, when the first movement happened. It hurt like hell, like being stabbed from the inside, and you sucked in small breaths to get through it.

In spite of the pain, it made your heart skip a beat. For the first time, you felt connected to it.


	184. Stargaze

It was one of very few nights with clear skies. I was staring up at the stars, stretched out on Sideswipe's chest plates.

It was easy to pretend that we were just a happy couple, stargazing. That we would go home tomorrow, to mundane little lives. 

It was both easy and necessary, a slight relief from the harsh reality always pressing in close, always stripping away our hope and energy with sharp nails.

So we allowed ourselves this little fantasy, a sorely needed reprieve no matter how fake it was.

Tomorrow would bring despair in heaps, but right then, that was far off in the future.


	185. On the move

We moved again by sunrise. Not because we had anywhere to be, but because we had no reason to stay. We kept moving just to stay under the radar, to keep from getting caught.

It was disheartening to see _Optimus_ _Prime_  so listless. His optics were as dull as his plating, and he hardly spoke, didn't join in on our lame attempts at joking or just... Inane conversation. We plotted to free the others, of course we did.

We just had to find where the Decepticons had their base first...


	186. Not weak

It was moving around a lot now, and it was excruciating. You hid the flinches and tremors as much as you could, taking gasping little breaths and biting your lip. _Decepticons_ _didn't like weakness._

You felt like you were being cut from the inside, and maybe you were. The first time you started bleeding, it freaked you out. It was just a few drops, but still...

As soon as you were behind the closed door of your room, you let the facade fall and crumpled to the floor, tremors wracking your body and finally free to sob out your pain and fear.


	187. Hunger

You seemed to eat as much as a horse. Or maybe you could even eat a horse. _If there had been any horses_ _left_. You are anything you could find, suddenly scarfing down the hated beans and ravioli like it was a gourmet meal. Despite that, and your increasing energon intake, you still lost weight. 

No. You lost mass, _your_ mass. Your weight actually increased quickly with the thing inside you growing big and heavy at an alarming rate, draining you in the process. The heavy little thing and your waning strength had you waddling awkwardly, clumsy and tired, out of breath by just walking down the hallway.

_Pain, hunger and fatigue aside, you still were starting to love the little fucker_.


	188. Collapse

Everything fell down on you like a house of bricks and concrete under a barrage from a Cybertronian cannon when you collapsed, your knees buckling under a particularly painful kick or whatever it was the thing did in there.

You fell to the ground in the common room, writhing in agony as you watched with horror your blood soaking your thighs and dripping to the floor.

You were carried off to the medbay because you couldn't even get up, your heart racing because you _knew_ you wouldn't be able to downplay the physical issues this time.


	189. Diagnosed

"The rotors are cutting you up when it moves. It's a helicopter, it's already started spinning it's rotors."

_So, that was what the movements was. No wonder it felt like being stabbed from the inside._

"To make matters worse, it's draining your body of materials. You can't sustain it." Hook said.

He and Knock Out were on a joint mission again, checking you in every way they could. They had poked you all over, and this time you hadn't concealed when it hurt. Truth be told, you wouldn't have been able to withstand the pain even if you had wanted to.

"What are the options?" You whispered hoarsely, because you suspected you already knew, and you dreaded to have it confirmed.


	190. Take it out

"We really don't have any options. Either we take it out and you survive or we leave it; you'll probably die and the sparkling might not survive anyway." Knock Out said matter of factly.

You bit your tongue so hard you tasted blood, trying to force away the tears. _Decepticons didn't care, didn't show weakness._  


What started out as an unwanted complication, something that had forced you to, with much grumbling, change your life, was now something you found that you wanted. You had grown to sort of love the little thing inside you.

_It may survive if you left it._

But what good would that do you when you were dead? Besides, you wanted to live. Who was the thing to steal life away from you?

"Take it out."


	191. Empty

Coming out of anaesthesia was wildly confusing, your body felt like you'd been hit by Astrotrain and your mind was groggy at best but _one_ thought stayed crystal clear throughout your painkiller addled daze. You were empty.

_So very, very empty._

Sure, it was your call. But it had been so easy to write it off, to feed that selfishness you'd nourished for so long. To live with it afterwards was a whole different chapter.

_It was gone_. Just like... _Him_. Like everything else you ever really cared about, it was gone, leaving you raw and ragged. The hole in your chest widened and ached and you were desperate to fill it with anything at all.

_It would be long days on the berth in the medbay while you healed after the surgery._


	192. Have nots

"We removed your reproductive components. Figured it would be better if this didn't happen again. And they were pretty scrapped." Hook informed you while changing the drips and handing you pills.

You nodded numbly. It had put a lot of things in perspective. What you would never have. What would never be. Things you hadn't known you even wanted.

To sit in that berth, not allowed to move yet, gave you time to think and you didn't like it. Memories of... _Him_  surfaced. Thoughts of what it would have been like, if he'd still be online. If you had borne _His_ sparkling. Tears slid down your cheeks as you silently let the pain consume you.


	193. Back to normal

"Let's take a test ride." Hook leered, offering you a cube.

You downed it desperately, letting the high grade warm your body. You had been cold inside since the surgery but had been relegated to medical grade. The hole in your chest pulsed.

"Yes, let me ride you _hard_." You hissed, eager for oblivion.

If it was habit, or true want was impossible to say, but you were wet and ready in seconds and when he slipped a cable into you, the high grade making you more numb by the second, the cavity that seemed to exist inside you stayed still and quiet when you stopped thinking and started fucking.


	194. Memoryloss

It was a downhill ride. Not that you cared or recognized it as such. You just did what you had been doing like, _forever_.

Energon, interface, a little sleep and repeat. You took comfort in the well-known cycle, the routine. It filled the void as long as you kept doing it, your short moments of sobriety bad enough to send you running to the nearest berth or cube, whichever was the closest.

You onlined... _no._ You _woke up_  on Knock Out's ventral plating, all sticky as usual. 

_Yes! Finally!_  


The good doctor had been lured in by you!

Your victorious glee was dampened when you realized that you couldn't even remember your time with him.


	195. Incoming

We hadn't seen any signs of humans for... _An age and a day._ I had stopped counting a long time ago. It was too depressing to see the months pass by while nothing improved.

"Incoming! Cybertronian signatures!" Sideswipe yelled.

We ducked for cover under the roof of a gas station, even though it was futile. The signatures of the Autobots might as well be a 'they're right here!' sign, complete with flashing neon lights.

"Haha! I can't believe it!" Sideswipe whooped and ran out in the open.

"Who is it?!" I hissed, still cautious and bracing for impact.

"Sunny and Blue!"


	196. Brotherly love

A golden Peugeot racing SUV and a gray all terrain Mitsubishi came rolling in pretty fast, considering the state of the road. They transformed smoothly and the gold colored mech tackled Sideswipe with a hug before pushing him away and cuffing the back of his helm. 

"Hey, you aft!" He snapped.

I glanced at Optimus for an explanation, Ratchet already on his way over to the strange reunion.

"Sideswipe's twin. Sunstreaker." Optimus said, easily reading the unspoken question in my eyes.

It was almost uncanny, the way we all knew each other so well, read each other like open books, even though I hadn't really known them for that long. It seemed like a lifetime, though. But now, there were new friends to be made. A tiny spark of hope flashed to light inside my chest.  


	197. Lonely

You were in Blast Off's cargo hold, on one of the few trips you took outside base nowadays. The world wasn't much to see anymore, nuclear war had left Asia a barren wasteland. Europe was marred with scars of battle. Cities were laid in ruins and if humans still existed, they were few and far between enough to not be seen at all. Wildlife was mostly gone.

The humans that had been captured to become slaves had all perished, either by the servo of a Decepticon when they didn't fulfill their tasks to satisfaction, or succumbed to exposure and malnutrition working the mines. You hadn't cared enough to inform the 'Cons about the needs of your species. 

In these moments of realization of what you had contributed to, you felt so _terribly_ lonely. 


	198. Searching for allies

Sunstreaker wasn't easy to get along with. He held nothing but contempt for the human species. He still tolerated me mostly because Sideswipe liked me.

Bluestreak on the other hand was a relief. He was friendly and chatty and talked about nothing and anything and it was a relief in the silence that came creeping in the wake of the destruction of Earth.

We were moving faster now, wearing ourselves thin to try to find more Autobots. If we were just a few more, we would have a chance to really make a stand.

Prime was an easy mech to follow. My blackened heart was filled with hatred nowadays and I didn't share his need to do what was morally and ethically correct. I followed him anyway, hungry for vengeance. If I went down it would be in a blaze of glory, fighting to take as many 'Cons with me as possible in an energon soaked end.


	199. Fly-by

"My sensors are picking up Cybertronian signatures down there." Blast Off suddenly spoke, tearing you out of your wallowing in self pity.

"Ok." Your voice was flat.

"Shouldn't be any Decepticons around here that I know of. We're in the middle of noplace." The shuttle continued.

"Alert Megatron or Soundwave. If it's Autobots..." You spat the faction designation. "...we shouldn't go down there to investigate by ourselves. Just an unnecessary risk for us."

You took a deep breath, steadying yourself. It didn't matter how much you tried to steel yourself, they would still always be _His_ friends in your mind.

"It's not like they would give a fuck about me anyway."


	200. Heavy steps

"You both did very good." Megatron praised you and the shuttle.

"Thank you, my Lord." Blast Off bowed as he spoke.

You just nodded a thank you. It wasn't like you had done much this time. Praise seemed hollow these days. Actions spoke louder than words, and all that.

"It was indeed Autobots you found. Soundwave is keeping surveillance on them now and we will move in as soon as we know they won't lead us to anything important while at large."

Deadlock was sent with Blast Off for the night as a reward and when they were dismissed, Megatron turned to you.

"I have a cube of high grade with your name on it in my quarters. For when we're... _finished_." He leered.

"Nice." You hummed in true appreciation, turning and heading for his hab suite.

Heavy pedesteps followed you closely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 200 chapters! Thank you all for reading!


	201. Screws coming loose

It started with little feelings of being watched but it quickly escalated to a terrifying level. The Cybertronians couldn't pick up any anomalies with their sensors, but my body? My body seemed to be on full alert. Instincts long forgotten by modern humans reignited by months and months of fleeing, of always being vigilant to detect terrestrial predators, _humans as well as animals,_ or non-earthly foes.

It would happen seemingly at random; scavenging in ruins for food and equipment, just walking as well as during rest in the dark. _No fires. That could lead to detection._

The hair on the back of my neck would stand up, goosebumps pulling my skin tight and I would feel _hunted._  Something was watching me, biding it's time.

None of us could explain it. The mechs would scan and scan as much as they possibly could but always came up with nothing.

  
_Were I going crazy?_


	202. Intelligence

"Subjects: located."

"Good. Do they seem to have a heading?" Megatron asked from his throne.

You listened despite your lack of interest. It wasn't like you had anything to do, lounging on the armrest next to Megatron, waiting for him to be done with whatever and whatnot.

"Negative. Autobots: moving fast but aimlessly. Possibility: searching for more Autobots." Soundwave answered in his trademark flat voice.

"Then they are no use to us free anymore."

You perked up. Finally a little action beyond the regular. Sometimes it was getting a bit dull around here, when all the mechs were on shift or sated or playing with the already broken Autobot toys.

"Affirmative."

"Then let us take them in." 

A smirk filled with promises of pain and humiliation stretched the warlord's lip plates. Heat pooled in the pit of your stomach.

"Get Starscream. We have plans to make."


	203. Take off

You watched as Blast Off and the triplechangers took off in shuttle mode, more troops in their cargo holds.

Barricade was with them. You did share a bond with him, but mostly that was unimportant. Both of you used it for pleasure, and you had some mutual possessiveness of each other that reared it's ugly head at the weirdest of times, but you were not star-crossed lovers.

Now, it was even a source of worry. If he offlined in this battle, _not that you really thought the 'Bots would stand a chance but sometimes slag did happen_ , then what would happen to _you_? 

Pushing that thought away, you headed for the rec room. One could always find distractions in this place.


	204. One down

The seekers attacked first, coming in fast and hardly giving us any time to react. We took cover behind boulders as much as we could and the Autobots returned fire instantly.

I grabbed my human sized blaster, one of many weapons I had "inherited" from fallen soldiers of NEST along the way, and took aim at a dark blue seeker.

My weapon wasn't powerful enough to offline a mech, but I could damage them and at least slow them down.

It was a perfect hit, blasting a small hole through his wing close to his body. It scrambled his sensors and fucked up his aerodynamic, forcing him to make a harsh landing.

I would have crowed victoriously if not for the necessity to stay hidden.


	205. Behind our lines

Grounded Seekers were vicious, but they had nothing on Sunstreaker. In spite of the other Jets trying to help the blue 'Con I shot out of the sky, he was being torn apart by the golden menace.

The final blow came when he punched straight _through_ the Seeker's chest plates, tearing out the guttering spark. The other Fliers screamed in agony and rage and doubled their assault as the blue Seeker's frame turned gray. Sideswipe threw himself into the fray.

I was so absorbed in the ongoing battle, trying to maim the still functioning Seekers, I almost missed the rumble of heavier flight engines landing behind our lines, but a quiver in the ground made me turn my head.

Reinforcements were arriving.

_Fuck._


	206. Takedown

They easily overwhelmed us, now that we were surrounded by grounders and at least three mechs bigger than Optimus. We didn't stop fighting, though. Never would. _I made a promise to Jazz_.

I don't know how many I managed to hit, but one of them, a black and red mech who seemed not entirely functional processorwise, tracked me down after I gave him a pretty nasty burn on his leg.

He had me pinned to the ground with a heavy servo and my entire body was overwhelmed with pain. I forced myself not to scream, I wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

I looked to the side and saw the other Autobots being captured one by one, outnumbered four to one. Sideswipe put up one hell of a fight, but it just wasn't enough. One of the shuttles took him down.

"Not so tough now, are you, squishy? I will feel your insides on my servos soon." The mech pinning me cackled.

"No, wait! Rider! I think I know that one. Let me have a look. We might have use for it." Somebot yelled.

_Fuck._


	207. Keep it

I knew him the second he came into view, had seen him on pictures in your phone and the paintjob was a dead giveaway. _Barricade_. 

"Yep, that's her. Let's keep it." He said with something that might have been a crooked smirk.  


_Of course_. Just my luck. I had no doubts about what lady fate held in her cruel hands for the Autobots, it was obvious what had happened to Drift.

What my future would consist of wasn't nearly as certain, but I knew how a human could pleasure a mech, I had experienced it myself.

Your armor came to mind, built with the purpose of allowing the 'Cons to suck more pleasure from you. And I had seen the effects the energon had on you.

_Was I destined to be a drugged up pleasure slave for a faction of xenophiliac, robotic aliens_?

Suddenly I wished the servo still pinning me would just squeeze and end it there.


	208. Sore loser

I was injected with something, probably energon and I felt myself relaxing in spite of everything. The Autobots were cuffed with some sort of energy shackles and we were hauled into the shuttles. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker was still struggling, shouting insults and threats, but I couldn't even curse the bastards out.

Wildrider carried me and I was dumped on the floor like so much trash. _That would probably hurt in the morning_. 

They saw no reason to tie or cage me, and they were right. Relieved of my weapons, I wouldn't be able to do any major damage even if I hadn't been drugged to complete lethargy.

Through the haze, I still felt my tears dripping down my cheeks. This was the end of the opposition. The war was over. The Autobots had fallen. _We_ _lost_. I wept more for the possible future than a potential end.


	209. To the victors goes the spoils

Decepticons have no shame. It wasn't a surprise when the one called Rider teamed up with a black truckformer and started pawing at Sideswipe. He put up a good fight in spite of the shackles, but ultimately he didn't stand a chance. The other 'Cons on the transport cheered when his interface plate was torn off.

I just couldn't look away when they took turns with him, my numb body going cold.

That's when I felt it. 

Something slithering up my leg, tugging at my clothes, stroking along my spine. I managed to turn my head.

_Gripper cables_.

Bright purple optics stared at me hungrily as the smallish mech's cables nimbly tore my pants and slipped between my legs. In the background, Barricade and a blue racer watched with great interest. 

Disgust made me nauseous as my drugged body responded to the unwanted touch, my feeble attempts to fight back hardly more than twitches and my core going hot despite my efforts. When his cable slipped into my slick heat, my words were a breathy moan instead of the scream I was going for.

" _No_."


	210. Crazy shuttle

It was a free for all. Somewhere along the way, I lost count of how many 'Cons had me. Not that I wanted to remember.

When we finally landed, it came as a short relief, the 'Cons finally backing off to drag us out of the shuttle. I looked down and saw my clothes mostly torn off of my bruised body. I tried to cover myself with my hands but it didn't offer much modesty.

With the now familiar sounds of transformation, the shuttle stood up. I had forgotten our transport was a mech. It took the violation to a whole new level of perversion, to have been used _inside_ another mech. 

My still drugged mind reeled and I started laughing hysterically. The shuttle glared before picking me up. I abruptly stopped laughing when I saw the scowl on the red face.

"That was quite the show, slaggers." He growled to nobody in particular.

"I'm slagging charged. Somebot owe me a frag."

His face turned into an honest to God Jack o' lantern. I squirmed in his grip, rising panic overwhelming me when the obviously crazy shuttle leered at me.

"Guess the fleshie would be fun."


	211. Tool

He didn't hurt me, at least that was something. _Right?_ But it was intensely humiliating, something I didn't think possible after what I had just been through, when he basically used me as a masturbation tool.

His giant servo wrapped me around his spike and he started jerking off, dragging me up and down his spike, fluids dripping down to cover me and making everything slippery.

Hard ridges jarred my nipples and between my legs with every drag and pull, my still drugged body reacting in ways that mortified me. The shuttle managed to keep the pressure enough to make it feel all too good, but still not bruisingly hard. I sobbed in humiliated defeat when I came before him.


	212. Wishing to wake up

We were finally brought inside and lined up along a wall in a bare room. The Decepticons left us there, locking the door and shutting the lights. Not that it mattered. The Autobots' optics lit the room enough for me to see a little.

Allowed me to see what I wish I couldn't. Sunstreaker seemed to have had an even worse trip than me and Sideswipe. Optimus Prime seemed to have been spared. Probably for Megatron. Ratchet was filthy. Bluestreak was oddly quiet, and that was the most disconcerting.

I wondered how long we would remain there before we were sentenced to our respective futures. I probably needed food. The energon seemed to take the hunger away, but I knew I couldn't live on it alone.

Weary, I let my head fall back against the wall and closed my eyes, trying to shut out the cold, _the_ _stickiness_.

_Maybe it was just a nightmare._


	213. Friends?

"We brought you a friend! Found it with the Autodorks." Wildrider called excitedly from across the rec room.

You sat up a little straighter. _Another human?_  

"You know her. One of your old buddies. I recognized her." Barricade said, maybe just a little pride in his voice.

You narrowed your eyes. Most people you had been "friends" with had treated you like the plague when they found out about you and the mechs. Not the kind of company you would keep anymore. But a little petty vengeance might cheer you up.

"Let's go. I want to see it!" You said, anticipation building in you. 

_For_ _speaking with a human or for the prospect of torture? I don't want to know._

When you walked over to let Barricade pick you up, there was a pep in your step.

_You hadn't been this elated since before the little 'copter was created._


	214. At the end of his tether

Optimus was lead away on a brand new leash, stasis cuffs still in place, by Megatron, after the warlord held a tedious, gloating speech I couldn't bring myself to care about. _What did it matter_?

I knew what waited the Prime, Megatron made sure we all heard him tell every filthy detail of his perverted plans for the Autobot commander.

Sunstreaker had been handed over to the Seekers, the Jets eager to take out their hatred on the mech who offlined their trinemate. By Sideswipe's twitches and gasps of pain and his labored venting, I guessed the punishment of his twin was well underway.

" _You_! I hope you are happy with what you've  _done_!"

The venom in Optimus' voice was unexpected and had us all snapping our heads to the door were he lingered. His optics were bright with hate and rage and I was taken aback by how terrifying the stoic mech could look. He stared at someone we couldn't see, struggling against his chains. The Prime looked ready to tear someone apart.

Megatron dragged him away, barking with laughter.

"Oh, dear Prime, betrayal hurts so bad when it comes from someone you care about, doesn't it?"


	215. Dishonoring His memory

You were sitting in Barricade's servo when Optimus was dragged by. It was disturbing to see the Autobot commander like this, coming apart now that it was all over, the pure _hate_ directed at you staggering.

When he passed you, snarling and snapping like a mad dog, you felt a new hollowness with the realization that by sentencing _His_ kind, the ones who still represented everything he stood for, _His_   _friends_ , you spat on everything about _Him_ that made you love _Him_ in the first place. _As if you resented everything he ever was._

Your breath hitched and you choked on a sob. The hole in your chest throbbed, hollow and painful. You swallowed down another sob, desperately trying to get the pictures out of your head, the pictures of what might have been if you had helped the Autobots and they had won, if you had allowed them to help you clean up. 

_No use having doubts or regrets._

You let yourself be flooded with the sadistic glee that you could feel through the bond to Barricade and practically oozed from his EM field and tried to focus on the vengeance to be had.


	216. So, we meet again

You looked down at me, still perched in Barricade's servo. So many emotions shifted over your face, I couldn't keep up.

I just sat there while you took in my bedraggled form, too tired and in too much pain to really care about your gawking.

You finally seemed to settle for tentatively happy to see me. On some que I didn't catch, Barricade put you down and you came over to me cautiously. _As if I would lunge and bite_.

I felt the corner of my mouth twitch at the thought.

_Maybe I would._

You stopped in front of me and we locked eyes, none of us knowing what to say, where to start.

_The most awkward reunion in history_.


	217. Close-up

"Hey." Your voice was hoarse.

I just nodded in acknowledgement. I really had nothing to say. Up close, you really looked like shit. Skinny, bordering on emaciated, your skin was almost translucent. Except for a few patches where it had a strange metallic sheen. You still wore your god-damned armor. It seemed to have incorporated itself with your body, no longer an add-on.

"I'm glad you made it." Some sort of tentative hope in your voice.

I snorted. _No thanks to you_...

"'Made it' is one way to put it..." I indicated my body.

"I'll have Hook and Knock Out take a look at you. They're pretty good at fixing up humans. They've always taken good care of me."

_Yeah_ _right_. _Did I even want to be "fixed up"?_


	218. Taken

It wasn't like I had a choice. My eyes lingered on the silently suffering Sideswipe when I was taken away, the berserker not breaking eye to optic contact until the door slammed shut.

I shuddered in Barricade's servo, afraid that I would never see the frontliner again, but I didn't dare crying. It may make him an even bigger target.

You small talked about the'Cons and what was going on in the base, inane tales of inconsequential things that seemed surreal. _Were_ _you really that detached from what had been going on outside the base_?

Doors opened and I was put down on a table, curling up in an attempt to cover myself from the red-opticed stares of the two new mechs looming over me.


	219. Course of action

"What are you going to do with me?"

"We'll dress your wounds, give you something to speed up the healing and fit you with a few data ports." The red mech said, taking out some equipment and putting it down next to me.

"Data ports?" I asked, even though I knew where this was going.

"Yeah, like mine! They're really awesome once you get used to them." You chirped, unaware of my inside cringe.

"Just throw me back in the brig. I'd rather rot down there." I mumbled.

"Aaw, don't be like that! We'll make you feel really good." The other mech said. _Leered_?


	220. Surgery

"Come _on_! You'll like it here. Just give it a chance. They treat us really good, give us what we want." You said, still not getting my revulsion.

"What we _want_?! What _I_  want is my freedom back, our _planet_ back! My friends back. But I can't have that, now can I?! The Autobots will never be free again, the planet is already destroyed and what fucking _freedom_  could I have?! Wandering alone until I die?" My increasingly shrill voice broke and I went quiet when I was on the verge of sobbing. _I wouldn't give them that._

The weight of my situation was sending me into a panic when I realized exactly how trapped I was.

"You were the only one to stand by me through thick and thin, I still consider you my best friend. You'll have me." You said.

I started laughing hysterically, because _the hubris...!_   _Where had you been when it all went to hell? How could you call enslaving me being my_ friend?

I was grabbed by a mech and something stung me on the shoulder. I felt whatever was injected into my system spread like wildfire, my body going limp and my mind slipping into oblivion. The last thing I heard was your voice, as if through a blanket of cotton, far away.

"She'll come around with a little time. Begin your work."

_Fade to black._


	221. Calibration

I woke up laying on my stomach, itching and aching across my back but the rest of my body feeling better.

"Good, you're awake!" 

_Crap_

I turned my head to the smooth voice. _The red mech_. He rolled out a data cable from his wrist and I tried to crawl away when he came closer. It was impossible. My body refused to obey me.

"Don't be scared. I'm just going to do a systems check and calibration."

_What?!_

I felt him press the cable against the back of my neck and with the resistance of a new socket it slid into place. The moment it connected, I felt a slithering presence along my spine, and I couldn't stop the disgusted whine that left me when I could _sense_ his arousal tingle along my nerves.


	222. Manipulated

He did as he pleased, my body at his beck and call, and afterwards I would be horrified by how easily he manipulated me into enjoying it.

His massive digit slipped into me with great caution, and soon the stretch was no longer painful but had me coming over and over at his will.

It was after he'd gone, leaving me sticky and tired on the table, I broke. I was disgusted with myself, that I hadn't fought more, that I was still there.

You came by, but I refused to meet your eyes, too ashamed of my state. You left a cube of energon, and when you were gone, I downed it in one go. I needed to go completely numb.


	223. Shiny new toy

You came to the medbay every day to see me, but I was mostly incoherent, still not used to the energon. You couldn't understand why I had to be so heavily drugged.

"She just needs to adjust to the energon. When that's done, she'll be more compliant. Willing to accept everything." Hook explained.

Something with what he said didn't sit quite right with you. _Why wouldn't I like it here_? You did. You didn't need to be doped to oblivion to keep from ranting until foaming at the mouth.

"So, you wanna 'face?" You asked, because it had been a while since the Constructicon fragged you.

"I've some things to do here. Maybe later." He dismissed you with the excuse of work.

You recognized the hungry gleam in his optics when he looked at my prone form and you felt a pang of jealousy. _The 'Structie had a new toy._


	224. Conditioning

I recognized conditioning when I saw it. They let me get to the point of withdrawal before they gave me a few drops of energon. It would hit me like a Freightliner, instant relief.

Then they would use me, make me come until I almost passed out, drowning me in pleasure until I screamed their designations.

When they were sated, and I was exhausted, I'd get more energon, making me so blissfully relaxed I could just curl up and purr.

I knew what they were doing and I _hated_ to admit that it worked. The way heat pooled in the pit of my stomach when they came near. How relieved I was to see them when the first tremors of abstinence would rattle me. 

Or the way I went willingly when they beckoned me forward, flaring my plating in anticipation for the ride to come.

Yet I couldn't stop myself.


	225. Hold the thought

The next time you came around was different. You didn't seem to try to reach out to me the way you had before. You sat there, on the edge of the berth and studied me.

You looked so worn, so _sick_. I fleetingly wondered how bad off your body was. If you would live for long. Scars on your stomach was glittering, like it was turning to fish scales. Or metal. 

It was hard to hold the thought and concentrate for long, the energon made me lucid.

_And I couldn't bring myself to care about you anymore._


	226. Burning

"You'll be free to roam the base." Knock Out explained.

I couldn't believe it. I had been kept in the medbay for so long, I thought I'd be there forever.

_Or maybe it wasn't that long. I had lost grip of time._

"You'll just need this."

I really didn't like the gleam in Breakdowns optics. It was just something gloating, _sadistic_ ,about it.

They pinned me down, face first and I screamed as something burned worse than anything I'd ever experienced before at the small of my back. I tried to struggle, but it was pointless.

After what felt like an eternity, the burning moved to my right thigh, traveling along the outside of it, scorching my skin. I barely registered the absence of smell of burned flesh.

_I couldn't stop screaming._


	227. Self pity

It was finally over, the medic putting some kind of oily solution on the places that still burned like fire. I panted heavily, grinding my teeth to keep from crying.

"Looks good, K O. You're good at this." You stepped up, inspecting the areas they'd done something to.

"Thank you. Care to join me and Breakdown for a _ride_?" The medic leered.

"You don't have to ask twice." You flirted back.

_Disgusting._

But at least you all left me alone to wallow in my self pity. I cursed myself for being weak enough to resort to that. 


	228. Learning my place

_Whore_

That's what they had somehow tattooed on my thigh. Not with earthly ink, but probably some sort of nanites. In English and Cybertronian, shifting in purple and black, like an advertisement on my body.

_Free of charge_  - on my arm

_The Autobrand_  - as a tramp stamp on the small of my back.

If I had ever doubted my place, it was crystal clear now. And it was painfully obvious that something had changed for you, from trying to be friends again to relishing my debasement with malicious glee. 

Fuck my life. _Literally, I guess_.


	229. Anywhere else

I was let out of the medbay and I did the only thing I could think of. I ran like I had hellhounds on my trail.

It was disconcerting, the way nobody tried to stop me. As if it was futile. And I was pretty certain it _was_. It wouldn't stop me from trying.

After what felt like hours, trying to find my way out, I finally found a hatch small enough to allow me to open it, and I burst out into the dark of night. It was cold and wet, as usual, and a shiver traveled down my spine. The armor was the only thing I was wearing and it didn't cover nearly enough to keep me warm.

Stumbling on rocks and debris, I slowly made my way to... _nothing_. I halted that train of thought before it derailed my will to carry on.

_To anywhere but here_.


	230. Unholy abstinence

I wound up curled against a tree, unable to get further in the dark. As the night proceeded toward an elusive dawn that seemed too far away, my shivers became worse. 

Not only by cold, but by abstinence kicking in. Nausea started to overwhelm me, making me retch, but there was no stomach content to purge. 

When the sun finally came up, weak rays warm against my cold, sweaty skin, I hardly noticed. It did nothing to increase my comfort.

I stood, indecisive. _What_ _direction did I come from?_  I had learned my fair share of tracking during my time on the run, but my mind felt muddy and slow.

Slowly I started to stumble in the direction I thought I had come from, recognizing with self loathing that I was trying to get _back_ to my abusers.


	231. Take me

The sun was setting again and it was getting colder. I was down to crawling on all fours, still trying to find my way back. 

Strung out and shaking, the decision came easily for the reptile part of my brain even though I held myself in contempt for it with the higher parts of my intellect.

Sitting up straight, not able to stand on my shaky legs, I called out with my hoarse and raspy voice on the top of my lungs, hoping their audials where scanning for me.

"Decepticons, here I am. Come and take me!"


	232. Hunger

"Oh, sweetie, you look really bad. Let me have a look at you." Hook purred.

He was the one to answer my call. And the 'Cons I recognized as his team, whatever that meant. They'd never explained and I hadn't bothered to care. 

One of the others, Mixmaster I think, was preparing what looked like an IV and I felt my own anticipation rise with a sting of shame for how well their conditioning had worked. He held something out to me.

_Some sort of candy bar._

I snatched it up, mouth watering, and tore into it with such fervor I didn't even feel the needle going into my neck.


	233. Exposed

With a full stomach and an IV that was simply _Divine_ , I was very content with being carried back to base. 

The hot metal of Hook's servo underneath me was making my body respond as it had been conditioned to, making me wet. I squirmed a little, getting uncomfortable.

"My olfactory sensors are picking up on that, you know. I know what you want." Hook leered.

Mixmaster snickered when I blushed.

"Oh, we'll get to that when we come back, rest assured." Hook continued.

His smirk widened and he sniffed dramatically when I got even wetter.


	234. Volunteer?

"Look what came crawling back." You gritted out through clenched teeth.

The cold glare you sent my way could probably make hell freeze over, but I didn't care. I was too distracted with an energon high and with it came a steadily rising arousal. Hook knew, and he was heading for their room, not bothering to stop for you.

You stomped off in the other direction. So much had gone wrong. I was supposed to be your friend, but all you saw me as now was competition, even though my participation was involuntary. 

_Or was it? I_ did _call the 'Cons to be taken back..._

It didn't really matter. I didn't want you as a friend anymore.


	235. Losing the battle

I wasn't taken to Hook's room. Instead I was put down on the floor in front of Megatron, the warlord reclining in his throne. Optimus Prime was kneeling next to him, a wire leash around his neck. His paint hade definitely seen better days.

I averted my eyes, ashamed of my own state. The conditioned arousal wasn't letting up, it was getting worse with the hungry glares of many sets of red optics.

Megatron watched me intently in silence, allowing me time to lose my own battle, relishing how I broke down all on my own.

"Please, I _need_..." I begged

From the corner of my eye, I saw Optimus look away. _Disgusted_.


	236. Red, red eyes

I woke up to meet one familiar eye and one completely alien. Squirming a bit from my uncomfortable position on the floor, I met your hateful glare. I tried to get my eyes to focus and rubbed my face and that's when I realized that I was covered in transfluid.

My head felt fuzzy but I remembered bits and pieces of last night's gangfrag. Opting to stay down, I tried to process your eyes.

One looked normal, but the other one was turning into something else; Iris and pupil glowing with a dim red and what was once white had an odd metallic tinge.

It did nothing to lessen the nausea from last night's energon intake. Repulse, I turned over and puked.


	237. Don't look too closely

You stalked off, _seething_ , when I passed out again. You didn't want to admit that it was jealousy that had you hating me so much.

The 'Cons had been _yours_ , and yours alone. You didn't want to share their attentions and your elation of finding me had quickly turned sour.

When you looked closely at the situation, and you rather _didn't_ , you knew that it was not of my own volition I stole your lovers. But that conclusion would lead to other disturbing thoughts. Like if you were as conditioned as I was, if they played you like an instrument. If anything you'd known and felt for so many years was all a lie.

But you didn't look that close. You pushed that away. 

  
_They loved you._


	238. Replaced

Prime had Megatron's spike down his intake again, as per usual these days.

It was a good look on him, you thought. At least you told yourself that. Anything else would be an admission that you'd made a mistake.

You found that Megatron had lost all interest in you with the capture of Prime. Humiliating his defeated enemy took up most of his time.

Sourly, you wondered if you had been the favourite entertainment just because it was a conquest to steal something from the Autobot fold and corrupt it.

With a deep swig of energon, you zoned out from those dark thoughts again.


	239. Misery loves company

It was the first time we all were in the same room since they split us up after the capture and it was obvious what was to come.

Megatron was on his throne, Optimus kneeling next to him, the War machine keenly staring to a small dais where Crosshairs and Drift were putting on a show for a gathering of 'Cons, grinding and writhing against each other.

Sunstreaker, dented and scratched, was dragged through the door by Starscream, a purple seeker on their heels.

Knock Out and Hook were followed by Ratchet, the Autobot medic obviously reprogrammed because he didn't swear and was trying to rub up against the red sports car.

I held my breath, because some 'Bots were still missing and I dreaded to know why.


	240. Tamed

The unmistakable yellow plating of Bumblebee was visible behind the towering mechs, one of them the crazy shuttle that brought me here and the other one the same size.

Bumblebee walked quietly behind them, helm bent and his optics fixed on the floor. They were halfway through the room before I spotted Bluestreak next to the yellow scout, the gray mech equally silent and subdued. Some sort of collars were locked around their neckstruts, glowing with red LED lights.

It hurt me to see them like this, not reprogrammed but _broken._

I both hoped and dreaded to see what had happened to Sideswipe, unable to make up my mind if it was worse to be reprogrammed and conditioned to _like_ being a toy, or to be held down by brute force, pain and humiliation.


	241. Options, options...

You watched with keen interest when Sideswipe was finally dragged inside, not at all as oblivious of what was going on as I believed.

It was malicious glee that twinkled in your eyes when you watched us; his optics brightening when he finally saw me after so long, unable to reign it in for a moment, and my look, just a second too long to be anything but a lover torn between relief and despair.

You tilted your head in cold calculation, weighing your options for the largest amount of entertainment.

After all, I  _had_  fragged your bondmate, hadn't l? To you, it didn't matter that it was Barricade who used me against my will on the transport to the 'Cons base. I had tempted him, that was enough, and now you had a chance at vengeance.

_So many options._


	242. Still functioning

Sideswipe did look fairly well, considering what I guessed would have happened to him. I longed to go to him, but I didn't even dare let my eyes linger on him.

The worst part was that the conditioning still ruled my body. I could feel his optics burning on my back when Frenzy and Ravage came up to me and I hardly managed to choke back the moan. 

A clawed servo raked my spine and I fell to my hands and knees to allow Ravage to mount me. I sobbed when there was nothing I could do about the  _need_  my body had for the animal former, because I _knew_  that Sideswipe was looking.

_How he would hate me, how disgusting he'd think I was._


	243. Bitterness

It was glorious, you thought, the obviously warring feelings of mine. The way I responded to the 'Cons, even though my lover was staring, his field thick with anger and sadness. 

You were so  _bitter_ , didn't get why I was still fighting against everything. You had held your hope that I'd come around, that we could pick up our friendship. Why couldn't I see that it could be great? Almost like the two of us ruling the world. Well, at least above all other humans.

Maybe now I'd see it from your perspective, you thought. After all, I seemed to enjoy the attention of the cassettes. If this life was good enough for you, who was I to look down on it?


	244. Breakfast

I resurfaced from the last energon high to find you sitting next to me, fidgeting with something between your fingers, a dopey grin on your face.

I remembered bits and pieces of... I couldn't tell the time after Ravage and Frenzy got ahold of me, it was an endless blur of energon and different Decepticons. The only thing that stood out clearly was the burning, blue optics of Sideswipe, tracking my movements.

"Good morning. Or whenever it is." You slurred.

I grunted a wordless reply, because whatever time it was, it wasn't good.

"Look, I got you some breakfast." You said, obviously proud, motioning with your hand in my general direction.

A cube of energon and a can of beans was stacked next to me and I couldn't help but snatch it up immediately.


	245. Baked beans and drama queens

I went for the beans first, punching a hole in the can with a spike on my armor and I poured the cold glop into my mouth. It was the best thing I had ever tasted, famished as I was from living on energon for God knows how long.

"You're such a barbarian." You snorted, opting for just sipping a cube of energon.

"Well, the Apocalypse tend to have that effect on me." I sneered.

"Drama queen." 

I couldn't stop myself. I punched you in the face, wincing as my knuckles connected with the steeliness of your cheek. 

_You_   _were definitely changing._


	246. All hope is gone

I was chained up next to Sideswipe, and I dreaded to think of what was about to happen, because you were out for revenge, seething from being knocked flat.

"I-I'm  _sorry._ " I whispered to the warrior, his plating a dull and scratched gray by now.

"Hush. It's not your fault.  _I'm_  sorry that I couldn't protect you."

I crawled over to him, my chains long enough for me to at least reach his EM field, and curled up on the cold concrete.

"It's  _never_  going to be ok, is it?" I asked, despairing.

Sideswipe was quiet for a long time and I almost wondered if he'd fallen into recharge. His optics were dim from lack of fuel.

"I don't think so." He said and his voice betrayed that he had given up.

_It_   _chilled me to the heart._


	247. Wherein the nightmare continues

Motormaster was with you, as was Vortex and Wildrider. I had learned quickly and brutally that those particular mechs were the worst of the worst.

"I'm  _done_ playing nice with you. Every favor, everything I do to make you more at home here, you  _spit on_. I guess it's time to show you just how  _ugly_  things could get around here, should you not change your ways." You said with disturbing relish.

The mechs grabbed Sideswipe and dragged him across the floor. I couldn't stop the devastated gasp that left me.

"Oh, don't worry, they'll give you some too."

Your voice was sickeningly sweet, as if you misinterpreted my startle for envy, but your eyes were burning with malice.

"What, you thought I wouldn't know about your little loverbot? Give me some credit."


	248. Helpless

They were using him in every way possible, and you watched with an amused smile. 

Ididn't know what would feel worse for him: me watching or looking away, so I watched, keeping optic contact as well as I could, sensing his embarrassment in his field.

Vortex wrung an overload out of the unwilling Autobot, just to crown the piece of debasement and I could feel the disgust in his field, hating that they succeeded to get to him. 

Then they decided they were done with the mech and three sets of crimson optics turned to me.


	249. Assault

Sideswipe struggled and cursed as the Cons descended on me, touching and plugging in wherever they wanted. 

Until you climbed his frame with practiced ease. A moving Cybertronian was your territory and he was unable to buck you off. 

His vocalizer made a short blare of static as you disengaged the wires to it, and then he couldn't protest when you started molesting his frame, all while keeping eye contact with me to really rub it in that you were successfully charging my loved one.


	250. Offered nothing

"I still don't get it. You were the only one supporting me for so long, I'll give you that. Why turn on everything I can offer you now?"

I snorted derisively.  _This again_?!

"You have  _nothing_  to offer. And that is your own doing, not by unfortunate circumstances.  _You_  did this to all of us, to the planet. Why would I be grateful for this existence offered by you?"

You snarled in frustration and stomped your foot and I would have rolled my eyes if I wasn't so exhausted from what the mechs had done to me.

And for the abstinence for energon that was rearing it's ugly head.  _I wouldn't want to make you angry enough to let me go without._


	251. Close to him

You left me on the floor, climbing Vortex's frame and I watched you all leave, the Truck walking backwards and waggling his glossa lasciviously at me and the Autobot.

Sideswipe laid beside me, bound in stasis cuffs and unable to go anywhere. It was just a matter of time before one or more of the 'Cons found him and then it would all be repeated. 

I crawled over to him and climbed up his frame. Sticky plating didn't put me off at all, and how telling of our situation wasn't it that I couldn't even muster up the care to find it disgusting? 

_All I needed was to be close to him._


	252. The day that never comes

I reattached the wires to his vocalizer before curling up in the crook his neckstruts. The abstinence for energon was getting worse and I was shivering. It didn't help that I was forced to wear nothing but a small amount of plating.

He was warm, but not as warm as he'd been when we had better access to fuel and his systems worked at full capacity. Back when we first met. I couldn't tell how much time had passed since then,  _maybe just weeks,_  but it felt like ages.

Trying to cut reality out with daydreams of better days had and wonderful days that would never come, I hoped for sleep to find me before any 'Cons did.


	253. Cancer

You were looking increasingly sick. I might have thought that you were turning into a cyborg, your skin turning more metalized in patches and your eye now fully glowing red like some sort of organic optic.

As your weight dropped more and more, your face became gaunt, eyes sinking deep into your skull. The dark rings almost looked like bruises, and maybe they were. You bruised very easily, making you look beaten up all the time.

Loose teeth pointed in all sorts of directions before falling out and your hair was coming off in large tufts.

_It wasn't a cyberforming of you that was taking place, your body was giving in to metallic cancer_.


	254. Nasty smile

"You wretched...  _creature_!" I snarled at you from my position against the wall.

My arms were getting numb from lack of blood flow, my hands chained above my head and out to the sides, forcing me to remain sitting. You just snorted in amusement.

"I'll take being called a creature over being called a human any day." You snarked.

"Oh, but you  _are_ a human, a bad excuse for one, but a human nonetheless. A  _pet_ to the Decepticons, nothing but a filthy entertainment. A  _whore_ , I'd say. Phil was right about you all along." I smirked nastily at your flinch and licked my lips like a predator smelling blood.


	255. Offensive

"I saw those videos of you, how you  _let_  them take turns with you,  _begged_  for it even. I bet you would have enjoyed it even more if  _all_  the Cons had been there. You're  _such_  a cheap slut." 

You glared at me, but I saw how much I hurt you and I geared up again.

"I don't know _what_  Ironhide could possibly see in you. Probably just a fuck-toy, easy and willing for everything and anything."

I didn't miss your flinch when I said  _His_  name.

"Don't you dare tell me such lies! He  _loved_  me." You ground out between clenched teeth, but still your voice wavered.


	256. Look at yourself

"I think you were just a toy, convenient to have around, always willing to fuck. But even if he  _did_  love you, what do you think he would think of you now? Look at yourself, whoring out to the  _Decepticons_. Always covered in transfluid and lubricant, looking for another spike to grab."

You swayed on your feet, breath hitching with barely contained sobs.

"I bet he wouldn't even poke you with a ten foot pole. You're  _disgusting_!" I spat and watched you break.

_Come on, show me that anger, that volatility._


	257. Fury

"I'm sure he'd rather have me now." I smirked. "I mean, I'm way hotter than you and not a total fucking  _tramp_. Bet he'd love to have me wrapped around his spike." I flicked my tongue with a lascivious leer.

_Finally,_ your tearfilled eyes flickered with a spark of fury and the armor of your lower arm lifted to allow an integrated blaster to pop out.

You pointed it at my head, trying to steady the arm with the other hand and I watched the muzzle light up as it charged with a whine.


	258. Do it!

"Do it!"

You growled in frustration and moved closer, the muzzle almost pressing against my forehead.

"You won't dare. That's what Ironhide would've realized eventually, that you're a  _chicken shit_! Then he would've dropped you like the piece of trash you are." I taunted. 

"Don't you  _dare_ say those things of him!" You snarled, pressing the gun to my head.

"Do it! Pull the fucking trigger! Come on,  _do it!_ "

I laughed hysterically and waited for...


	259. Coward

With a scream, you snatched your arm away and spun around, the gun disappearing under plating as it smoothed down. "

No! Do it!  _Come on_! Blow my fucking brains out!" I yelled angrily after your hastily retreating form.

"Get back here!" My voice was going shrill and you started running.

"You fucking  _coward!!"_

With a frustrated growl, I banged the back of my head against the wall when you left the room, disappearing around the corner. Slumping, hands still chained to the wall, I gave in to the despair and sobbed. 

_My last hope for a way out had been to goad you into killing me, my armor programmed to stop me from hurting myself._


	260. As I see fit

You were sitting on Onslaught's shoulder, watching with malicious glee as four 'Cons were making good use of Sideswipe. The frontliner struggled weakly but it was futile and my heart was breaking over and over.

The crazed Shuttle I arrived with had poor little Bluestreak straddling his lap, dented doorwings scraping against the hulking mech's abdominal plating. The little Autobot squirmed every time the too large spike was pressed into his valve with calculatedly slow movements. It might have looked like lovemaking, if not for the pained grimace on the Autobot's faceplates with every drop of his frame, every thrust communicating 'you are mine to use as I see fit.'


	261. Icy feeling

When the 'Cons abusing Sideswipe were spent and backed off, the frontliner looked around wearily, taking in the sight of Bluestreak and the triplechanger.

In another corner, Ratchet was eagerly servicing Hook with his intake, lubricant dripping from the medic's ever exposed valve.

Crosshairs stood on all fours, Vortex fragging him in a furious pace, the Autobot moaning out his pleasure, begging Vortex for more.

I watched Sideswipe get up on his servos and knees, crawling to Megatron's throne and an icy feeling settled in my chest.

I was momentarily distracted when Dragstrip finally overloaded, his transfluid running down his spike, covering me.


	262. Beg and grovel

"Lord Megatron,  _please_  have mercy."  Sideswipe groveled, forehelm against the floor at the pedes of the Warlord.

Optimus stared with wide optics from his place next to the throne. My heart sank. Nothing good could come out of this.

The Decepticon leader rumbled a slow, incredulous laugh.

"Why would I  _ever_ want to show you any mercy? You  _lost_. And to the winner goes the spoils. You are  _exactly_ where you deserve: servicing your betters. But you want what, to defect? It's a little late for that. Besides, I have a hard time believing you would have your way with any of your  _dear_  Autobots, like a true 'Con would. So what could I possibly do with you?"

"Reprogram me."


	263. Supplication

The words hung in the air, the room so silent you could hear a pin drop.

"Reprogram me like them." Sideswipe gestured to Crosshairs, Drift and Ratchet. "So I can willingly serve you all in any way you want me to. Please,  _mighty_  Lord Megatron."

It took me long moments to comprehend his words. Then I unfroze, clawing and struggling to get loose from Dragstrip's servo. I saw Optimus fight with his chains to no avail.

"No!  _No!_ SIDESWIPE, DON'T DO IT!" I screamed and I heard Prime protest, equally panicked.

Megatron's features stretched into a nasty grin, a deep chuckle leaving the Warlord.

I bit and kicked at the unbreakable hold, desperately trying to get to Sideswipe,  _my Sideswipe_ , as the room erupted in cheers.

The last thing I saw before I was carried away was the smile you threw my way, all vindictive glee.


	264. No love left

It was much later when Sideswipe sought me out where I laid sprawled on the armrest of a couch in the rec room. The state of his frame told me how he'd spent his time.

"Why?" I rasped, hoarse from crying.

"Everything is lost, we'll never get out of here. I couldn't stand the thought of being forced time after time for the rest of my functioning. I will be fragging them over and over, now I will always enjoy it."

"So you've given up?" I ground out.

"Our masters will never fail."

I almost gagged at the reverence in his voice, the change the reprogramming caused.

"I love you." I sniffled.

"I can only love our supreme masters." 

He answered calmly but when I broke, I saw the flicker in his optics showed that the true Sideswipe buried somewhere deep in his processor still resented what the programming forced him to feel, to say to me. He got up and left me there.

_It did nothing to ease my pain._


	265. Baiting

You were bedridden now, the end drawing near. I stood beside your bed when you woke up, watching your struggle to breathe impassively. You looked back from deep sockets.

"Part of me want to strangle you right there." I mused calmly.

You snorted a laugh and wiped at the energon and blood that bubbled from your nose.

"Guess you're a coward too, then." You said derisively. "How's that loverbot of yours doing? Getting fragged enough?"

I ground my teeth, refusing to take the bait.


	266. Powerplay

"Stop glaring and get me some energon." You demanded.

"Oh, you are so wrong, you know that? I'm not too much of a pussy to kill you. I just figure it would be too easy. No, I'm going to leave you here to fade slowly. Starving to death, going through the pain of abstinence because you won't be getting energon, in your piss soaked bed."

I turned to leave at your indignant gasp and found myself facing Barricade.

"How very  _Decepticon_  of you." He smirked, optics bright with interest, EM field heavy with arousal.

"Don't. call. me. that.  _Ever_." I growled

"Wouldn't dream of sullying the Decepticon name like that,  _whore_. But I have use for you. Let's frag."

I heard your angry growl and turned to smirk nastily at you. The jealousy it would cause you would be so worth 'facing the fucking bastard.

"Oh, yes.  _Please,_ let us!" I moaned exaggeratedly.


	267. Wide awake

_The fucker bonded with me._  

To save himself. When you die, he'll stay online, bonded to me instead of grieving  himself to deactivation. Spared him from the inconvenience of having to bond with another mech for a while.

I grimaced.

There was no way out now. I would never be able to leave Barricade for good, even if we somehow magically managed to rise up and free ourselves. 

_Which would never happen anyway._

Earth was dead.

Sideswipe would never love me again.

The rest of my life would consist of whoring for the 'Cons.

Until I met the same fate you did. If the 'Cons didn't come up with a way to keep me alive. 

I stifled a sob and curled up to a ball in the corner as I knew that I would break my promise to Jazz.

_Why couldn't Wildrider have flattened me that day we were captured?_

It felt like a nightmare. _But it wasn't_.

It is my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is reached, Dystopia all around. I thank you all for reading this horrible tale, for all your comments and kudos.


End file.
